


Stay With Me

by SidemenFanficLover



Category: sidemen - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:28:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8917354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidemenFanficLover/pseuds/SidemenFanficLover
Summary: Just a story of the Sidemen. Josh is dating Freya, but there is something about Simon that he keeps coming back to. Josh can't decide who he wants most, Simon or Freya.Let me know in the comment if you liked it, and if I should keep writing!





	1. The Argument

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Who_let_the_gays_out](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_let_the_gays_out/gifts), [oneswhonever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneswhonever/gifts).



Simon woke to yelling and arguing. Josh and Freya were at it again. He groaned and shoved his head under his pillow. But even that couldn't stop the noise from reaching him. He sighed and stood up. Someone was going to have to get them to shut up. And if it wasn't going to be Vikk and JJ, then it would just have to be him.

Simon stomped down the stairs to find JJ and Vikk at the bottom, listening. "Really? You guys couldn't have made them shut the fuck up before they woke me up?" Simon yelled at them. Or he tried to. Yelling was hard when you were trying to be quiet. JJ just rolled his eyes, while Vikk gestured for Simon to crouch next to him.

"They've been going at it for thirty minutes now." whispered Vikk. "Freya's really pissed this time." Simon groaned. This would put Josh in a bad mood, and Harry, Ethan and Tobi were coming to visit. It was a rarity that they all got together these days, and it would suck if Josh was in a terrible mood.

"Fine. I'll go snap them out of it." Simon grumbled as he walked into the kitchen where the shouting and arguing were taking place.

"Hey Simon." Josh stated, taking a temporary break from the arguing to be polite.

"See Josh! You're not even paying attention to me! You're always so busy, you never have any time for us anymore!" Freya yelled at him.

"I was just saying hello to my roommate Simon, Freya!" Josh argued back.

"Well I know that I'm speaking for all of the roommates when we ask that you take your yelling somewhere else!" Simon shouted over the noise. "Some of us were trying to sleep before your screaming voices woke us up."

"Shit, sorry Simon." Josh said, trying to look as sorry as possible.

Freya nodded. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."

"Well what did you think yelling in the house, in the morning, was going to accomplish?" Simon asked them. "Never mind. Just, if you're going to argue, don't do it in the morning okay?" They both nodded in agreement. "Good. Now I'm going back to sleep." Simon stated and trudged back upstairs, past the watching Vikk and JJ. "Thanks for nothing dickheads," he grumbled.


	2. A Drunken Kiss

Josh wandered upstairs after Freya had left. He didn't know what to do. He had already recorded his videos, because he and Freya had been planning to go out on to have a romantic picnic on the beach. But that wasn't going to happen. Well, he could always record more videos for a rainy day.  
Simon left his room to see Josh coming up the stairs. "Hey Josh," he said.  
"Hello Simon." Josh replied. Josh reached the top of he stairs and turned around. "Do you want to film a video with me?" He asked him.  
Simon shrugged. "Sure why not?" He replied, turning aroun to head up the stairs to Josh's room.

"Ha! Beat you again!" Simon crowed triumphantly.  
Josh pouted. "Not fair. You cheated!" He argued back.  
"It's not cheating if you're not caught!" Simon replied.  
"The ref is blind!" Josh argued. "You can't slid tackle my player! He was going to score!"  
"Apparently not." Simon pointed out, trying to hold back his grin. "Now we all know who is bet at Fifa." Simon added.  
"Or who the referee favors." Josh muttered under his breath.  
Simon shrugged. "I still won either way."  
Josh muttered under his breath and stood up, heading out. "I'm going to hang out with Vikk and JJ. At least they're nice."  
Simon laughed and watched Josh leave. He would be back. Vikk was Pokemon hunting and JJ was busily filming so he would be all set to hang out with the guys when they arrived. Simon glanced oer at the clock to see that it was nearly one. Harry, Ethan and Tobi were going to be arriving around 4. Simon leaned back in his chair, took a deep breath, an began the long process of editing his and Josh's video.

"Good to see you guys again!" Simon greeted Harry, Ethan, Tobi and Manny. Manny had apparently decided to come visit too.  
"Hey Simon." Ethan leanedover to hug the tall, blond man. "It's been too long."  
"Yes, it has been indeed." Simon grinned at him, then went and welcomed everyone else.  
"We have the guest rooms ready." Josh told them.  
"And we're going to celebrate tonight!" Yelled JJ.  
"Shut the fuck up," declared Ethan. There was lots of laughter at that, ad everyone headed their separate ways, some to get ready to go clubbing, others to unpack and upload videos.

The club had been great. There had been music, drinks, laughter. Now all that was left to do was to stumble home, drunk. JJ was off with some girl, while Ethan, Simon, Josh, Harry and Vikk walked home. Vikk and Tobi were sober, in order to make sure nothing happened. Josh wasn't completely wasted either, but everyone else was wasted off their ass.  
"Daddy Josh." Simon mumbled as he stumbled along next to Josh. "Daddy, daddy, daddy.." Simon trailed off.  
Josh laughed. "Careful Simon. You don't want to trip."  
"Mmhmm," Simon nodded, before falling face first into the pavement. Luckily, Josh caught him before he hit the ground.  
"Easy Simon!" Josh help Simon to his feet, but kept an arm around him. Simon smiled up at Josh.  
"I like this." He slurred to Josh. Simon reached up to stroke Josh's beard. "It tickles!" He exclaimed laughing. Josh sighed and rolled his eyes, only to stop when Sinon tried to run his face against Josh's beard.  
"Simon?" Josh asked him. "What are you doing?"  
"It feels nice." Simon grinned and continued to run his cheek against Josh's beard. Josh sighed and rolled his eyes.  
"You're drunk Simon."  
"No, don't be silly." Simon slurred back. "If I was drunk, I would be able to think about how much I want to tangle my hands in your hair and kiss you." Simon paused, realizing that that idea wasn't a bad idea at all. Now he really, really, really wanted to kiss Josh.  
Josh froze. "Not a good idea Simon." He told the younger man.  
Simon giggled and stroked Josh's face. He really wanted to kiss him. So he did just that.  
Josh froze when he felt Simon's lips on his. Simon was drunk enough that he wouldn't remember this. Or at lest that's what Josh told himself as he kissed his best friend back.

Neither of them noticed Tobi watching.


	3. Secrets

Simon woke with a killer headache. Groaning, he shoved his head under his pillow. He should not have ha that much to drink last night. Closing his eyes, Simon tried to remember why had happened last night. JJ had left with a blond, that mug he remembered. Thy had all embarrass themselves with their drunk dancing. Simon groaned as another memory speared. He had kissed Josh! Shit! What was he suppose to do? No one knew about his crush on Josh, especially since he had a girlfriend. Would Josh even want to be his friend even more? Simon groaned again, planning to not leave his room, until another memory appeared. The memory of Josh kissing him back! Why would Josh kiss him back? Josh had a girlfriend. Unless he was just hunoring Simon. Simon thought back. Well, he had been pretty hammered. Maybe Josh liked him too, and figured that Simon wouldn't remember kissing him, which meant that Josh could kiss Sinon back, and no one would be any the wiser. As Simon puzzled over it, that idea made more and more sense.

Josh walked down into the kitchen, glad he hadn't had a huge amount to drink. He opened one of the cupboards and pulled out a bowl and some cereal. Josh looked up in time to see Simon walk in. 

"Hey Simon." Josh said smiling, all while slightly panicked. Did Simon remember? 

"Hey Josh." Simon walked over and grabbed a bowl, pouring himself the same type of cereal as Josh. Did Josh care that he might know? Well, Simon was going to make him squirm. 

"Some pretty weird stuff happened lag night huh?" Simon asked Josh. 

Josh looked at Simon, slightly panicking. "Umm, uh yeah." He agreed with Simon, hoping Simon didn't remember. Simon smiled slightly. 

"I noticed a lot of making out. What about you?" He asked Josh. 

Josh shrugged. "Didn't see that much. Not that I was paying attention." 

Simon placed a puzzled expression on his face. "I remember making out with someone, they were a great kisser, but I just don't remember who it was? Do you happen to know?" 

"Bro, I don't know who you were making out with." Josh replied, albeit a little nervously. The only good thing about this was that Simon thought he was a good kisser, which was always good to hear.  


"Josh, Freya's coming over today." Vikk stated as he walked in. "She said she's been texting you and calling you, but you haven't replied so she called me to have me let you know."  


Josh nodded at Vikk. "Thanks."  


"Anyone know where JJ is?" Asked Harry as he walked in.  


"Probably still with the girl he went home with." Tobi replied, walking in behind Harry to grab some waffles.  


Simon excused himself to head upstairs and film some more. Josh followed him up.  


"Want to film a video together Simon?" Josh asked him. Since he now knew Simon had no idea it was him who he made out with, Josh felt confident asking him this. "I need a rematch on Fifa." He added.  


Simon ginned and nodded. "You're going to lose bro." He warned Josh.  


"Not this time." Josh replied confidently.  


Simon snorted and went to grab his controller.


	4. Hidden Truths

Simon wandered back downstairs after the Fifa game with Josh. He had won, but it had been a much closer game. 

"Hey Simon," JJ stated as Simon walked into the kitchen. 

"JJ bro! You're back!" Simon exclaimed. 

"No shit bro," JJ replied. Simon rolled his eyes, glad his best friend wa back. He trusted JJ more than anyone. The question was should tell him about his feelings for Josh? And about everything that has happened so far? 

"Simon? Everything alright bro?" JJ looked at Simon carefully, serious for once. 

Tobi paused, listening outside the door. Could this be about the kiss? 

"Can I trust you JJ?" Simon asked quietly, looking down at his feet. 

"Of course," JJ replied. "What happened?" 

Simon took a deep breath. "JJ, I'm... I'm gay." He stuttered out. "And... And I like Josh." He added. 

JJ looked at Simon, then stood up, and walked oer to him. He reached out and pulled Simon into a hug. "Did you jut figure it out recently?" 

Simon shook his head. "No, I've known for a little while that I was gay. I suppose, every since I started liking Josh." He admitted. "I didn't want to say anything, because I was secretly hoping it wasn't true, that I was straight. But.." Simon trailed off. 

"But what?" Asked JJ. 

"But then Josh kissed me." Simon finally stated. "And now I don't know. I don't know why to do, how to behave, whether I should confront him or not. And he thinks I don't know because I was wasted off my ass when he kissed me." 

JJ stepped back and looked at Simon. "Confront him." 

Simon looked up. "But what if it was a mistake?" 

JJ shrugged. "Confront him as a friend. Ask him why, and if he was just drunk, and drunk him decide to kiss you." 

Simon nodded. "Okay thanks JJ." 

Tobi quietly snuck away from the door, to puzzle out this mystery. Maybe he should confront Josh, before Sinon confronted him. Yes, that was what he was going to do. 

Toni walked upstairs and knocked on Josh's door. "Josh? You in there?" He called out. 

"Come in!" Came the reply. 

Tobi opened the door, walked in, and shut the door behind him. Josh turned around in his chair to look at Tobi. 

"We need to get something straight Josh." Tobi began. "I saw you make out with Simon." 

Josh paled slightly. "Please don't tell him Tobi." He begged his fiend. "If he finds out, he'll kill me! And I have Freya!" Josh looked at his watch, remembering Freya was going to be coming over. "Shit! She'll be here in ten minutes!" 

Tobi sighed. "Josh, Simon knows you kissed him." He finally admitted. 

Josh froze. "He remembered, or you told him?" 

"He always knew." 

Josh sighed and sat down. "I fucked up, didn't I Tobi?" Tobi nodded. Josh let his head fall into his hands. "I'm so screwed." Josh glanced back over at his watch. "I can't worry about this now. I need to go meet Freya." Josh stood up as walked out of his room, to go meet Freya. Tobi watched him go, shaking his head. Josh was such a drama queen.


	5. Hidden Love

Simon paced up and down the hallway, waiting for Josh to come back from his outing with Freya. His mind was a disaster. He was so nervous to confront Josh, yet slightly comforted by the knowledge that he was doing something. Simon froze as he heard footsteps walking up to the door of the house. He stepped back into the kitchen, so that it wouldn't look like he had been waiting for Josh. 

Josh opened the door and walked into the house. He and Freya had had fun at the beach, but something had been off. The whole time at the beach, Josh kept switching Freya with Simon, and wondering who he'd rather be with. He loved Freya, he really did. But did he love her more than Simon? 

Josh walked into the kitchen, startling Simon. 

"Josh!" 

"Hey Simon. Sorry I startled you." 

"Umm... it's fine. Listen, I have something I need to tell you." Simon looked over at Josh. 

Josh looked back at Simon. "Simon, are you okay?" Josh watched Simon shuffle his feet, and remembered what Tobi had told him. That Simon remembered. Shit! He didn't want to do this now! 

"Listen, Josh.. I... I... I know you kissed me." Simon finally stuttered out. "You probably thought I was drunk and wouldn't remember, or you were drunk and the drunk you thought it was a good idea, or.." Simon paused when Josh held up his hand. 

"I'm so sorry Simon." Josh began. "I didn't think you would remember. I was drunk, so I didn't have any control over what I was doing. Really sorry man." Josh looked at Simon, hoping he wouldn't be able to tell his lie. Josh had been completely sober that night, only one beer, which wouldn't have made him wasted. 

Simon nodded. "Okay. I just thought I'd ask." 

Josh nodded. "I'm glad we got this cleared up though. Don't let it ruin our friendship okay?" 

"Of course not." 

Josh grinned and walked up the stairs, torn between wanting to run back downstairs and tell Simon he loved him, and continuing straight on his path, to his room, pretending he felt nothing for Simon. 

Simon watched Josh leave, finally letting the sadness into his eyes. Josh had admitted that he screwed up, that it meant nothing. And that broke Simon's heart. He turned, walked out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch, ready to watch TV for the rest of the night to forget his pain. 

***************************************************************************************************

Josh woke early the next morning. The conversation with Simon was still replaying on his head, over and over and over. He wonder what would have happened if he had told Simon the truth, told him he had meant the kiss, meant every little bit of it. 

Josh walked into the kitchen, and heard the TV from the other room. Who else would be up this early? Josh walked out into the other room, only to find Simon curled up on the coach. Josh stared at him, all expressions wiped away except for the peaceful expression that he was currently wearing. Why did Simon have to be so goddamn cute? 

Reaching over, Josh grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. He knew Simon hadn't had a good nights rest recently, so it was safe to assume he was out. Josh smile wryly. Of course that was what he had assumed when he kissed Simon, and Simon had remembered that. 

Josh sighed and scooped Simon up into his arms. He was lighter than Josh had originally though. Josh walked up the stairs, down the hall, and into Simon's room. He laid Simon down on the bed, and pulled the comforter over him. Josh stroked Simeon's hair, and leaned in, and kissed his forehead. 

"Have a good nights sleep Simon." Josh whispered, then turned and walked out of Simon's room, closing the door shut behind him. 

***************************************************************************************************

The noise was unbearable. Simon groaned and shoved his head under his pillow. Who the hell was blasting some stupid band music? Simon sat up on his bed. He was going to end them. He heard yelling, then the music stopped. Of course. Once he is up, the noise stops. Simon sighed, and got out of bed. He might as well go get breakfast. 

"Morning Simon." 

"Morning JJ," Simon replied. 

"How'd it go with you know who?" JJ leaned in close. 

"He was drunk, didn't know what he was doing. The same as me. We were both drunk and screwed up. Happy now?" Simon grumbled at JJ. 

"Sorry man." JJ glanced down at his breakfast. 

Simon shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Besides, he's with Freya." 

JJ nodded and changed the subject. "On a different note, do want to go shopping? I need new clothes!" 

Simon rolled his eyes. "I'll go to get some food." 

"So Nandos?" JJ asked grinning. 

Simon nodded. "Pretty much." 

JJ snorted. "Brilliant Simon. Why don't we go shopping together then? We can both get all of our shopping done." 

"Why not? We're almost out of food anyway. And get me another pair of headphones." 

"Who says I'm getting you headphones?" JJ asked. 

"You better be. Otherwise, this friendship is over!" Simon mock warned. 

JJ laughed. "Just try," he teased. 

Simon muttered under his breath, making JJ laugh harder. 

"Go get ready Simon. Then let's leave." 

Simon nodded and ran upstairs, hoping not to meet Josh. He got changed, and ran back downstairs to meet JJ. Then they both headed out to go shopping.


	6. Unrequited Love

"Has anyone seen Simon?" Josh asked, walking into Tobi's room. Tobi and Ethan both shook their heads. 

"Check JJ's room," Tobi suggested. 

"Already looked there. He wasn't there." 

"They went out," commented Harry as he walked past. 

Josh turned. "Do you know where?" 

Harry shook his head. "But don't worry mate. They'll be back. Was Simon suppose to do a video with you?" 

"Umm... yeah." Josh smiled and headed back to his room. Staring at his ceiling, as he lay on his bed, Josh sighed. Simon needed to know that he had kissed Josh first. Josh hadn't told him at first, he didn't know if Simon remembered that much, and he didn't want to be seen as a total bad guy. Of course, Simon had thought that he was drunk at the time. 

"Well, I might as well film a video," Josh said out loud. "Nothing else to do." He stood up and walked over to his computer, then remembered how much editing he had to do. Shit! He had totally forgotten about it! 

An hour later, Josh leaned back in his chair, his editing done. Josh looked at his watch. Goddamn it! Where were Simon and JJ? What could possibly be taking them this long? What the hell were they doing? 

****************************************************************

"Isn't that exactly what you needed Simon?" JJ glanced over at the blond man sitting beside him. 

Simon grinned. "Yes. Much better than lazing around the house, nervous and chewing off my nails." 

JJ laughed. "And what gorgeous nails they are!" 

Simon rolled his eyes in return. 

JJ glanced back over to see Simon staring intensely out the window. "Josh?" he asked. 

"Yep." 

"You'll figure it out." 

"But that's the problem JJ! I think we have figured it out, and it's not what I wanted!" Simon exclaimed. 

"Then keep figuring it out til it becomes what you want!" 

Simon shook his head. "It isn't that easy." 

"Well, why the hell not?" JJ retorted. 

"Because he's my mate, he has his girlfriend Freya, he's straight, and he thinks this problem is solved!" Simon yelled back. 

JJ waited, letting Simon reel his temper back in. 

"Sorry JJ." 

"It's okay man. You're going through a tough time, that's all." JJ smiled. "Yell at me all you want, I'll always support you." 

"Thanks JJ." They rode the rear of the way in silence, the only noise coming from the speakers.

*******************************************************************

Josh woke when he heard the laughter from downstairs. Simon and JJ were home! Shit! How long had he slept? Two hours! That was ridiculous! Josh got out of bed and hurried downstairs to welcome JJ and Simon back. 

"Hey Simon! Hey JJ!" he called out. 

"Hey," said Simon and JJ, almost in unison. 

"Josh, Simon's back, so you two can do your video now, right?" Harry asked. 

Simon looked puzzled, then his expression cleared. "Should I meet you in your room Josh?" 

Josh looked temporarily surprised, then nodded. "Umm.. Yeah." 

"What video are you guys doing?" asked JJ. 

"Up to Josh," Simon said at the same time as Josh as he said "Up to Simon." 

JJ nodded. "Mmhmm." 

Simon and Josh looked at each other, then walked upstairs, away from JJ's prying looks.

"So..." Simon began, once they were in Josh's room. Josh had shut the door behind them. 

"So what?" Josh asked nervously, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, before sitting in the chair next to Simon's. 

"I didn't have a video planned with you today Josh. And we both know it." 

Josh nodded. "Listen, Simon. It's about the kiss. I know you remember me kissing you, but that isn't entirely it." 

Simon shifted his weight in his chair. Josh was too busy looking at his hands to notice. 

"You... ah... kissed me first. And I know you were drunk, that I should have known better and I shouldn't have kissed back, but I did, and shit, I'm really sorry Simon." Josh looked up at Simon, hesitant to see his reaction. 

"Wait. Are you implying that you weren't drunk, that you should have known better? Because I thought you were as drunk as I was." Simon stared at Josh, who sighed and shook his head. 

"I was sober. Only had a beer," he admitted. 

Simon leaned back in surprise. So he kissed first, but he could play it off as him being drunk. Josh had been sober, and he had kissed Simon back. Why would Josh kiss him? Unless... Simon felt his stomach tighten and begin to do flips. 

"I was drunk Josh," he began. Josh nodded slowly. "And when you are drunk, you do stupid things. However, I don't regret kissing you." Josh looked up in surprise. "It was one of the best ideas I'd ever had," Simon continued. "And it only got better when you kissed me back." Simon meet Josh's eyes. "If I could go back in time and change anything, I would. I wouldn't get drunk. Everything else, I'd keep the same." 

Josh locked eyes with Simon, and this time, when Simon leaned in, Josh leaned in too, and meet him halfway. The kiss was everything Josh could have hoped for. It was confident and joyful, happy and hopeful, full of beginnings and promises. Simon twisted his long fingers in Josh's hair, as Josh pulled Simon closer towards him. Their kiss deepened, til they just weren't close enough. They both wanted, needed more. 

"Not here, not now," whispered Simon. "All of the guys are here." 

Josh made a small whine as Simon pulled back. "What does it matter Simon?" 

Simon looked ruefully at Josh. "Freya, Josh, Freya." 

Josh sighed. "Don't worry Si. I'll end it with her," he promised. 

Simon nodded before standing up. 

"What about the video?" Josh complained. 

Simon laughed. "Sorry, but I've got a tight schedule, and a lot of editing to do." 

Josh stood up to protest as Simon ducked out through the doorway, and walked swiftly down the hall to his room. 

Josh sighed and turned to his computer. Life was about to get hectic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any opinions on who is top and who is bottom?


	7. Hope

Simon woke the next morning with a smile on his face. Today was the day. Josh was going to end it with Freya, then they could be together. Simon felt his heart flutter with hope. Grabbing his phone, Simon walked downstairs to find Josh already there. 

"Hey sleepyhead," he said. "Everyone else went out to do a football challenge video. I volunteered to stay behind and wait for you. That way you knew the six of us hadn't run off into the sunset together." 

Simon rolled his eyes. "So it's just us in this house?" he asked hopefully. 

Josh smiled. "Yep. Just us," he said as he walked around the counter to where Simon was standing. "Just us," he whispered into Simon's ear. 

Simon grinned, and leaned in and kissed Josh. He tasted of coffee and peppermint. Why peppermint? Simon thought to himself.

"Tobi bought peppermint coffee," Josh whispered in Simon's ear. "Thought we should have it. Don't know why." 

Simon smiled and went back to kissing Josh. 

"Breakfast first?" Josh asked. 

"I'm content here," Simon replied.

Josh snorted. "Of course you are." He went back to kissing Simon, then stopped. "But I'm not comfortable here." 

Simon rolled his eyes as Josh pulled him through the doorway to the couch. "I was fine where we were," he complained. 

"Well too bad," Josh said as he pushed Simon onto the couch, causing Simon to laugh.

Simon twined his fingers in Josh's hair as Josh kissed him. Josh groaned and deepened the kiss, causing Simon to smile. Josh moved his hand to Simon's stomach, then sllipped it underneath Simon's shirt. 

"Shit Josh!" Simon gasped. "Your hands are fucking freezing!" 

"Well, it is wintertime," Josh grumbled, to which Simon replied by laughing. 

"Oh shut up you!" Josh demanded. 

"Make me," Simon argued back. 

"Oh I will," Josh muttered under his breath. Then he kissed Simon, effectively cutting off his laughter. 

Simon twined his fingers in Josh's dark locks, happy that this had finally happened. The man he had desired, the man he though would have no interest in him, was kissing him. And Simon loved every inch of it. 

******************************* 

Vikk walked into the house, and paused, listening. He heard moans, and the sounds of two people making out. He crept down the stairs, heading towards the TV room, where the sounds were coming from. Vikk paused outside the doorway, shocked. Josh and Simon were going at it! Vikk couldn't believe his eyes. He stepped back, puzzled, and headed back to the main entrance. What was he to do? And Josh was dating Freya! Were they drunk or something? Or were they both gay? Or bi? Vikk didn't know what to do. Should he tell Freya? Should he confront Josh and Simon? Should he leave and pretend this never happened, that he never saw anything? Or should he tell the other guys? Vikk immediately decided against that option. If Simon and Josh were trying to keep it a secret, then who was he to tell everyone? Maybe the best option would be to go back and play football. Yes, Vikk decided, that would be the better option.

*******************************************************

"Simon," Josh groaned as Simon's mouth swept downwards, kissing, licking and nipping every piece of skin his mouth brushed over. 

"Yes Josh?" he asked, then leaned over and nipped a sensitive spot on Josh's neck. Josh's only reply was a groan, to which Simon chuckled. Josh grabbed at Simon's shirt, trying to pull it off, and Simon see what he intended, removed the offending piece of clothing, while Josh unbuttoned his own shirt. 

"Simon," Josh groaned again as Simon kissed Josh's exposed skin, making his way downwards. Josh groaned again as Simon kissed just above Josh's pants. 

"Please Simon," Josh groaned. 

Simon cocked his head, considering it, but then shook his head. "No Josh, we should do this here, not now. The others have been gone for two hours, and we don't know when they are coming back. They could be here at any moment. I want to do this when we have all the time in the world." Simon kissed Josh's lips, then let his hand slip over's Josh's dick for a second, hearing Josh moan softly. 

"And I want to savor every inch of you," he murmured into Josh's ear making Josh shiver. 

Josh rolled his eyes, but he could see the logic in Simon's words. 

Simon rolled off Josh and pulled his shirt on. 

"Hey, I liked that view!" Josh complained. 

Simon smirked slightly. "Oh well," he teased. "Keep it in your memory," he added as he walked out of the room. 

"And where the hell are you going?" Josh demanded, following Simon as he shrugged into his shirt. 

"Upstairs to edit," came the reply. 

Josh sighed. "Why don't we do a video together?" He suggested. 

Simon laughed. "No, I need to edit." Really, he needed to wank, but he wasn't about to let Josh know that. Knowing Josh, he would probably volunteer to help Simon get off. 

Josh shrugged and went into the kitchen to get a snack, only to realize that he had a very healthy hard-on. Shit! He would have to get rid of that before the others got back.

**********************************************************************

"So, what'd you guys do while we were gone?" Tobi asked. All seven of them had gather in the tv room to film a huge video. 

Simon let a small smile, remember him and Josh making out on this very couch. He shrugged in response to Tobi. "I did some editing." 

Josh grinned. "I also did some editing." 

"ARE WE FILMING THIS VIDEO OR WHAT?!?" JJ yelled, destroying everyone's ears. 

"Oi! Shut the fuck up you prick!" Ethan yelled at JJ, though not as loud. 

"So who's doing the intro?" Vik asked, looking at them all. 

"I'LL DO IT!" JJ screamed again. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Everyone else yelled back at him.

Simon smiled and shook his head, making eye contact with Josh, to which Josh smiled back at Simon. 

"So.. uh.. what video are we doing again?" asked Harry. 

"We are doing a Fifa game with all seven of us on one team," Vik declared proudly. 

"Shit. I've got Vik on my team," JJ muttered. 

"And we're stuck with you JJ!" Ethan yelled back. 

"Are we going to do this or not?" Tobi demanded, looking at them all. 

There was some grumblings, but everyone found a place to settle and connect. Then the game was on! Simon couldn't help but keep making eye contact with Josh, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. He was really glad that they weren't doing face-cam, otherwise he and Josh would have 100% been exposed. They kept making eye contract and exchanging glances. Luckily, everyone else was too absorbed in the game to notice. 

"Stop trying to this by yourself JJ!" Ethan raged at him, while Vik cracked up. 

"Yeah JJ. Come on, let's get Vik a goal," Simon encouraged, to which everyone except JJ agreed to. 

"Cheater!" Ethan raged when his player was slide tackled, allowing the other team to score, making them win the game. 

"FUCK!" JJ yelled. 

Harry grabbed a pillow and began to beat JJ with it. "SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!!" he yelled. 

Simon rolled his eyes. "C'mon guys, let's do another game." 

"Yes. We need to prove we aren't shit," Tobi agreed. 

"Only Vik, Ethan and Harry are shit," JJ pointed out. 

"Okay now you're going to get it!" Harry grabbed a pillow and approached JJ, who curled up to protect himself. 

"I didn't mean! Honest!" he protested as Harry began to beat him with a pillow. 

Josh caught Simon's eye, and signaled for him to start another game. Simon gave a devilish grin in return, and began another game. Josh in turn made eye contract with everyone else, except JJ, making sure Harry kept him distracted. 

"Yes!" Ethan screamed as he scored a goal. 

"What the fuck?" JJ asked, grabbing his controller. "You pricks started without me!" he complained. 

"Josh laughed as Simon said, "You were being a ball hog." 

"Shut the fuck up," JJ demaned, as he stole the ball from Vik and headed down to score. 

"Oi! That was mean JJ! Vik can't even play!" Ethan defended him, as Josh's player slid-tackled him, causing JJ to lose the ball. Tobi's player took the shot and scored! 

"You stole my goal!" JJ yelled, glaring at Tobi. 

"You stole Vik's goal," Josh pointed out. 

"Vik can't even play!" JJ argued back. 

Everyone turned and tackled JJ, Josh being smart enough to pause the game so they wouldn't lose. 

"GET OFF ME!" JJ screamed. 

And that was that. They all attacked JJ, while he screamed and kicked, thinking the game was paused. Unfortunately, one of them rolled onto a controller, unpausing the game. When they had finished, they turned to see the other player winning, 12-2. 

"What the fuck?" Ethan demanded. 

"Someone must have played the game without realizing," Vik reasoned. 

"C'mon boys, we have a game to win!" Simon grabbed his controller and began to play. Following his lead, the other boys joined. They ended up still losing, but it was 12-6. JJ was the only person who hadn't scored, which every, except JJ, found fucking hilarious. They continued to tease him as he went upstairs. 

"Just shut up you pricks," JJ said, acting annoyed. 

"But you know you love us," Tobi replied grinning. 

JJ rolled his eyes. "Don't hold your breath." The other boys all cracked up as he went upstairs. 

******************************************************************************************************* 

The others were leaving one by one. First to follow JJ had been Vik, then Ethan, then Harry, and finally, finally Tobi too had left. Now it was just Simon and Josh. 

"Well, I think I'm going to head upstairs," Simon commented. 

"Leaving again?" Josh teased. 

Simon shrugged. "I'm not opposed to any company," he offered. 

Josh stood up right away. "Your room?" he asked. 

Simon laughed. "Not tonight Josh. No one is drunk, and they are all here. They would here us." 

Josh sighed, then nodded. Simon leaned and kissed him softly. 

"But that doesn't mean I don't want to Josh. We just need to wait." 

Josh groaned, and pulled Simon closer, twinning his fingers in Simon's hair as he kissed Simon, then deepened it, feeling his tongue slip into Simon's mouth. 

"Simon," Josh groaned. Simon groaned in return, and picked Josh up, pushing him up against the wall as Josh circled Simon's hips with his legs. "Sure you don't want to do this?" Josh teased Simon. 

Simon only reply was his kissing Josh harder, and slipping his hand under Josh's shirt. Josh moaned Simon's name as Simon's hand found Josh's nipple, playing with it, feeling it harden. Simon began to kiss Josh's neck, only to have his face pulled back to Josh's face. Simon moaned as Josh began to kiss him again. 

"Simon," Josh moaned. 

"To hell with it," Simon reply, then grinded his crotch up against Josh's, watching Josh throw his head back in pleasure. 

"More, Simon, more," he groaned, his legs tightening around Simon's, making his crotch grind up against Simon's again. They both groaned at the sheer pleasure. 

*************************************************************************************************** 

Vik was editing in his room when he heard the soft groans. Shit! He knew the only two people in the house who would bang. He needed to stop them before the other boys heard! They were definitely getting louder, and something told Vik this was not how they want to be found out. 

He ran down the stairs as fast as he could while being as quiet as possible. Following the groans he walked down the hallway leading to the tv room, appearing in time to see Simon throw Josh onto the couch and straddle him, kissing his neck as Josh moaned Simon's name. Shit. They were really going at it. Vik took a deep breath, but before he could knock on the door frame, Simon turned around. 

"Vik!" he replied startled. Simon had seen the surprise and shock appear on Josh's face, he had felt Josh's body stiffen. Simon didn't know what to do. Luckily, Vik took care of the awkwardness. 

"I already know. I came back early from the soccer video and heard you two going at it," he explained. 

Josh and Simon shared a look. Neither of them knew what to do. "Does anyone else know?" Josh asked. 

Vik shook his head. "Unless one of you told someone, or they heard you right now, no one else knows." 

"We were that loud?" Simon asked. 

Vik nodded. "That's why I came down. I figured you didn't want the others walking in on you and Josh.. um.. well.. you know." 

Simon nodded and Josh shifted his weight on the couch. 

Vik nodded and turned to head back upstairs, then hesitated. "I can see if I can get them out of the house for you, if... if you want," he offered. 

"Really?" Josh and Simon asked in unison, to which Vik nodded. "That would be great Vik," Simon replied. 

Vik nodded and turned around heading upstairs. "I'll keep your secret," he whispered to them. 

Josh and Simon stared at each other after Vik had left. "Not tonight," Simon finally said. Josh nodded in reply. Too risky. "My room?" Simon offered. "No screwing, just you and me?" 

"I'm there." Josh grinned at Simon, who returned the grin. They snuck up the stairs, locked Simon's door, and fell asleep in each other's arms.


	8. Lovebirds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't uploaded in so long! I got busy with studying for an bunch of tests. Hopefully I'll be uploading more consistently in the future.

Simon woke to the banging on his door. "What?" he yelled. 

"Wake the fuck up you two lovebirds!" JJ yelled back, but Simon had to give credit to JJ, he did whisper the word lovebirds. 

"K, we're going JJ," Simon called back. He looked down at Josh, who was curled up, his head on Simon's chest. 

"I don't want to get up," Josh complained. "I'm comfortable here." 

Simon laughed. "I know, I'm comfortable here too. But we need to get up, and we can't have anyone see you leaving my room." 

Josh just rolled his eyes before sitting up on the bed and stretching. Simon watched him stretch, admiring the love mark on Josh's neck. 

Josh looked behind him to see Simon staring. "Admiring your work?" he asked, standing up to grab his T-Shirt. 

"And what if I said I was?" Simon teased, a slight playfulness in his eyes. 

Josh grinned back at him. "We'll see who has the marks tonight, won't we?" 

"Yes we shall. And it won't be me." Simon sat up and stretched, as Josh check the corridor, then snuck to his own room. 

Simon showered and changed, then walked downstairs to see the guys gathered around the kitchen counter. Josh was already there, and he lifted his eyes up to meet Simon's, then bite his lip, intentionally teasing Simon's. 

"Good of you to finally show up," Ethan said. "Now, as I was saying before, I'm planning on doing a football video, and I want all seven of us in it." Simon's eyes glanced over at Vik, and Vik shrugged as if to say there was nothing he could do to get Simon and Josh out of it. 

Simon silently sighed, disappointed in the fact that he and Josh weren’t going to have any alone time. 

”Let’s do this!” JJ yelled. 

Simon rolled his eyes at Josh. Josh smiled and nodded as if agreeing that JJ was crazy. ********************************************************************************* 

”Hey guys, it’s Behzinga here and we are doing a football challenge video!” 

”YEH!” JJ screamed into the camera. 

”Get the fuck out of the way you prick.” Ethan glared at JJ as Tobi lunged and tackled him. 

”Yes mate!” Ethan cheered on Tobi. 

”Are we going to do this or not?” Simon demanded. 

”Never!” yelled Harry as he started kicking balls at them. 

”Helmet boy origins mate!” Vik yelled as he jumped on JJ. 

Simon and Josh exchanged a glance. “So immature,” Simon said then sighed, wishing he was back at the house. 

”Yes,” Josh agreed, knowing he and Simon wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else right now. *********************************************************************************** 

”So glad that’s over,” Simon said on the ride home. 

”Definitely,” Josh agreed. “You don’t have anything planned for the rest of the day correct?” 

”No, nothing besides editing and the group videos.” Simon looked over at Josh. 

”Good,” he replied, and then turned the car off the main road into a little dirt patch on the side of the road. 

”Josh?” Simon asked. “You’re not going to murder me right?” he teased. 

Josh sighed, then unbuckled his seat belt. “Of course not Simon.” 

”Good,” Simon replied, unbuckling his seat belt, meeting Josh halfway. Simon slid his hands underneath the bottom of Josh’s shirt pulling him closer, and Josh moved out of the driver’s seat and into the passenger’s seat, seating himself on top of Simon. 

”Josh,” Simon groaned as Josh rubbed his crotch against Simon’s. 

"Yes Simon?" he asked. Josh was ready. He would do this, right here, right now. Simon had been giving him looks throughout the filming and he was done. Screw waiting. 

"Not here Josh, not now," Simon managed to gasp out as his hips bucked up, causing them both to groan. 

"Why the hell not Simon? We're never going to have any alone time in the house," Josh whined, needy, wanting Simon inside him. 

But Simon shook his head. "No Josh." Josh leaned in to kiss Simon again, trying to convince him. "Josh, I'm not fucking you in the car like some horny teenager," Simon argued. 

Josh sighed, then scotched back over to the driver's seat. "Why do you do this to me Simon?" he asked the blond man. 

Simon shrugged as Josh started the car. They were halfway to the house when Josh noticed Simon shifting around in his seat. 

"You okay Si?" he asked him. Simon grinned and nodded. Josh turned his head back to the road, only to feel Simon's hand stroke him through his jeans. "Shit Simon!" he exclaimed as they almost went off the road. 

"Sorry." Simon smiled sheepishly as Josh pulled over. 

"SIMON! What the HELL were you thinking? We could have both died there!" Josh yelled. 

"How was I suppose to know how'd you'd react?" Simon asked. 

"I don't know, but maybe use some common sense Simon. I don't want to die young!" Josh sighed and put his head in his hands. Simon grinned and reached his hands over, trying to pull down Josh's shorts. 

"Really Simon?" Josh asked, but Simon noticed he didn't try to stop him. Simon managed to slid Josh's shorts to his knees, then slipped his hand inside Josh's boxers. Josh's hips bucked, and Simon had to hide a grin. 

"Simon," Josh warned. Simon knew anyone who pulled over could see them, but he didn't care. Simon slid off Josh's boxers, allowing his cock to finally spring free, already hard from all of the foreplay. Simon glanced up at Josh to make sure he was okay, only to see Josh looking at him. Simon grinned and grabbed the base of Josh's dick, then took all of him in his mouth.cock to finally spring free, already hard from all of the foreplay. Simon glanced up at Josh to make sure he was okay, only to see Josh looking at him. Simon grinned and grabbed the base of Josh's dick, then took all of him in his mouth. 

"Simon!" Josh groaned, eyes half-lidded in pleasure. Simon began to bob his head up and down as Josh moaned his name, over and over again. 

"M' close," Josh murmured, and Simon increased his pace, licking Josh's cock as he bobbed his head up and down. "Simon!" Josh moaned, and Simon felt Josh let go, felt the liquid in his mouth as he swallowed all of it, every last drop. Josh watched, then pulled Simon up to him, kissing Simon, tasting himself on Simon's lips. 

"You taste like me," he murmured and Simon smiled. "Come on, let's get you all set," Josh added, leaning over to pull down Simon's shorts and boxers. 

"Josh," Simon moaned when he felt Josh's mouth on the top of his dick. Josh bobbed his head down, and Simon moaned, and his hips bucked up, shoving his dick deeper into Josh's mouth. 

"Shit! Sorry Josh," Simon moaned as Josh continued to suck him off. "Josh!" Simon moaned louder, and Josh knew Simon was close. Simon felt a tightening in his stomach, and knew he was about to come. "Josh," he tried to warn again, only to feel himself let go, and watched as Josh swallowed every bit of him, licking Simon's cock and his lips when Simon was done. 

"All set," Josh said, pulling up his boxers and shorts, and crawling back to the driver's seat. Once settled and leaned over and Simon meet him, kissing Josh, feeling a passion spring up inside him. He never wanted to let this man go. 

************************************************************************* 

"We're back," Josh called out. 

"Good," replied Ethan walking out of the kitchen, only to stop short and look at Josh and Simon, puzzled. 

"What Ethan?" Simon asked. 

"Why are you wearing Josh's shorts Simon?" he asked. 

Simon and Josh looked down, and realized they were wearing each other's shorts. 

"You must be mistaken Ethan," Josh began only to be cut off by Ethan. 

"Mistaken? I don't think so. I can check the video footage if you want," he offered, more than willing to prove he was right. 

"No, I'm good," Simon said as he walked up the stairs. 

Ethan waited until Simon was out of earshot. "So what happened?" he asked. Josh allowed himself a small smile. "I don't know what you're talking about Ethan," he said sincerely, then followed Simon upstairs. 

Ethan watched them go, knowing something was up, just not quite sure what. ***************************************************************************** 

The rest of the day flew by. Simon was in his own bubble of happiness, the one with which he and Josh both shared. Neither of them could stop smiling. 

"I'm glad we're all done with filming for today." Vik grinned. "I'm have to edit videos, then do some Rocket League with the Pack." 

Josh smiled and was about to answer when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID to see it was Freya. 

"Hello?" he asked. 

"Josh? Thank goodness you picked up." 

Freya sounded closer to hysterics. "Freya? What the hell is wrong?" 

"Oh Josh, it's horrible," she managed to say before bursting out into tears. 

"Freya? Freya?" Josh called but got no answer. All he could hear was Freya's sobs. He looked up to see the other guys looking at him. He met Simon's eyes, saw the worry in them. "I've got to go," he managed to get out before rushing downstairs to his car. "Freya? Freya I'm coming," he told her before hanging up. What the hell had happened?


	9. Shattered

"Freya?" Josh yelled. "Freya?" he called again, banging his fist on the door. Why wasn't she answering? "Freya! It's me Josh! Please open up!" he yelled again. Shit! Why did have to forget his keys? The one time he actually needed them! "Freya? Freya please open up this door!" he yelled again. Still no response. Josh leaned in and listened. He couldn't hear anything. It didn't even sound like Freya was home. Glancing around the street, Josh made sure no one was in sight. Then he tried to kick down the door. Took him three tries, but in the end, he managed in.

"Freya? Freya are you home?" Josh yelled, looking around Freya's house. He listened and heard sobs from upstairs. "Freya?" Josh called out, pausing outside her door. "Freya, you in there?" he asked softly, leaning his head against the door to listen for the reply. He heard footsteps, and then the door open to show Freya's tear-stricken face. "Freya? What's wrong?" Josh asked.

Freya just shook her head and began to cry again. "Shit, Freya, is everything okay?" Josh wrapped his arms around Freya and hugged her.

"It's... it's my parents..." she managed to choke out.

""What about them?" Josh asked, leading Freya to the bed, and sitting down next to her.

"They... They're.... They're dead Josh!" Freya burst into sobs as Josh's arms wrapped around.

"Shit, Freya, I'm so, so sorry." And Josh was. He was Freya nod, and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Everything's going to be okay? I promise Freya," hetold her. Freya looked up and nodded and rested her head on his shoulder as Josh rubbed her back. They stayed like that for a long time.

********************************************************************************

"Where could Josh be?" Simon was pacing the floor of JJ's room, fear, anxiety and worry eating him up. He trusted Josh, but Freya, was, well Freya. Josh had been gone for several hours and it was getting dark.

"He's probably staying at her house tonight, Simon," JJ told him, as he continued editing.

"Yes, I know that JJ!" Simon snapped.

JJ looked up from editing. "Simon, are you worried he's going to cheat?" JJ asked.

"Yes, no, I don't know JJ," Simon confessed. "Technically Josh and Freya were dating first, so Josh is cheating on Freya with me. So if he sleeps with her, is it really cheating if they are dating?"

"I thought you said they broke up," JJ asked.

"They were going to," Simon replied. "He was planning to do it tomorrow. But the Freya called him, and left the house with no explanation whatsofuckingever, and now I have no idea why! I feel so lost. I don't know JJ, I don't know." Simon slumped on JJ's bed and put his face in his hands.

JJ walked over and sat next to him. "How about a game of Fifa? You play shit, I play good, I win, you lose, everybody's happy."

Simon let out a short laugh. "Sure JJ. I'll get my controller."

"Thanks JJ," Simon said, two hours later, looking at his best friend.

"Of course bro! I got you man!" JJ grinned at Simon.

Simon smiled and shook his head. "Well, I'm off to sleep. Night JJ."

"Nigh bro." Simon smiled at the reply and walked into his room. He quickly stripped down, leaving nothing but his boxers on, and climbed into his bed. But he couldn't sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Josh spending the night at Freya's. Could help but wonder what had gone on. Simon sighed. Freya had been upset when she called Josh, he shouldn't be getting jealous about this. But Simon couldn't deny it. He was jealous; jealous that Freya could call and Josh would come, that Freya could wake up with Josh by her side, jealous that Freya could tell everyone she and Josh loved each other, but Simon couldn't. Simon realized it now. He loves Josh, loves the feel of his beard on his skin, loves the the twinkle in Josh's eyes when he gets amused, loves the way Josh kisses.. Simon trailed off. He was fucked. Utterly and completely fucked.

*******************************************************************************

Josh woke to see the sun in his eyes. Freya's shades were open. He looked around, noticing Freya resting on his chest. What the fuck was he suppose to do? He couldn't dump her, not here, not now, not when her parents had just died. It would break Freya. She needed him now, more than ever. Of he left her... Josh trailed off. He didn't know what she would do. She needed him, but yet.. Simon's face popped into Josh's mind. He wanted to be with Simon. But was Simon more important than Freya? Of course, Simon was one of Josh's closest friends, but Freya was his girlfriend. His girlfriend who had just lost her parents. Josh sighed. He couldn't leave Freya. Freya needed him. Simon, beautiful,loyal Simon would just have to wait.

************************************************

"JJ? Have you seen Josh?" Simon called.

"Nope. Hasn't come back from Freya's yet," JJ replied.

"I got a text from him," Tobi called out. "He says he's staying at Freya's today."

"Did he say why?" Simon asked.

"Nope," Tobi replied.

Simon sighed and went back into his room. What to do? Well, he could always do a Q&A. Yes, Simon decided. He would do a Q&A.

"Hey guys it's Simon and today I am doing a Q&A! I haven't done one in a while, so I figured I'd do some today. I asked you to tweet your questions using the hashtag #Simon'sBack. So let's get in to it!"

"JJ or Josh? Well, that's a difficult one. I mean, I've know JJ longer, but Josh is a very close friend of mine. Hmm," Simon puzzled. "I guess I would have to say," SImon stopped as he heard the front door open and a familiar voice call out.

"Hello? Anyone home?" Simon stood up, turned off his camera and headed downstairs towards Josh's voice.

"Welcome back Josh!" Simon walked over and hug Josh. Josh returned the hug, like a friend would, not like a boyfriend would. "Josh? Everything okay?" Simon asked him.

"We need to talk Simon," Josh began.

"Josh? What the hell is going on?" Simon demanded, feeling his heart start to race. Was Josh going to leave him?!?

"Hey Josh!" A voice called from upstairs. They both turned to Vik.

"Hey Vik," Josh replied. "Sorry about not being back earlier, feel bad for not filming with you guys."

"It's all cool man," Vik replied.

"Hey Josh, since we couldn't do GTA, do you think you would be up to doing a Q&A? Everyone loved our last one," Simon asked.

"Yea of course Simon," Josh replied. "Lead the way." With that, Simon and Josh walked upstairs to Simon's room.

Josh sat down on Simon's bed as Simon shut his door, and then sat next to Josh. "I'm guessing that we aren't actually going to film a video," Josh asked.

Simon shook his head. "Nope," he replied, popping the P.

"Listen, Simon, I can't break up with Freya," Josh began.

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't. Her parents, shit, Simon, her parents just died in a car crash. She's in a bad way right now and I can't leave her. She's relying on me. I'm not going to ditch her in her time of need!"

Simon looked at Josh and nodded slowly. "So we never happened right? We'e always been friends, nothing else," he stated quietly.

Josh knew he was asking that as a question. "Nothing ever happened," he agreed softly, wishing that this didn't hurt so much.

Simon nodded. "Could you please leave?" he asked Josh, looking down at his hands.

"Simon," Josh began.

"Out!" Simon yelled, getting to his feet.

Josh nodded and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. Simon watched him go, feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces. He collapsed on his bed as the tears came. He was broken, shattered, and he was never, ever going to be fixed. He was never going to be whole again. He was never going to be the same Simon again.


	10. An Empty Shell

"Simon? Simon?" JJ called from outside Simon's door. Simon didn't move. He was lying on his bed, looking at his door, the door Josh had left through. Nothing mattered, not anymore. 

”SIMON!” JJ yelled. “OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!” Simon just stared the door. JJ could scream and yell and demand all he wanted. Simon wasn’t going to open that door. He wasn’t going to move from this position. He kept seeing Josh walk out of that door, kept hearing it slam, hearing Josh’s footsteps on the carpet as he walked away. Another door slammed in his face. Simon had finally thought he had found love, found someone to be himself with, but all he got was a door slammed in his face. 

”JJ? What are you doing?” Tobia asked him. JJ stopped his desperate banging and turned to Tobi. 

”Simon won’t open his door!” JJ exclaimed. “I’m worried about him! He won’t even answer me!” 

”Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit?” Tobi asked. 

JJ shook his head. “No, you don’t understand.” 

Tobi’s eyes widened as he realized what JJ meant, but didn’t want to say. “Josh just left this room didn’t he?” 

JJ nodded. “I’m guessing you know then?” 

Tobi nodded. “Saw them the first time and heard Simon confess it to you.” Tobi turned back to the closed door. “What the fuck have you done Josh?” he muttered. 

********************************************************************************************* 

Josh was driving to Freya’s. He knew he had hurt Simon, but Freya needed him right now He couldn’t cheat on her, and it wasn’t fair to her or Simon to date both of them at the same time. He hoped he was doing the right thing. He kept having this bad feeling, something in the pit of his stomach. Something bad was going to happen, but he didn’t know what. At that moment his phone rang. 

”Hello?” 

”Josh, that you?” 

”Yeah Tobi, I’m here.” 

”Good. Now what the fuck did you say to Simon?” 

”Why? What happened?” 

”He hasn’t left his room Josh! He refuses to open it, and he doesn’t reply to anyone.” 

”I’m sure he’s just upset.” 

”Upset? UPSET Josh? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO SIMON?” 

”I told him I couldn’t do it.” 

”Couldn’t do what? Couldn’t be in a relationship with him?” 

”How’d you know?” 

”Does it matter Josh?” 

Josh shook his head. “No, I suppose it doesn’t.” 

”You need to get over here and help Simon!” 

”I can’t Tobi. I’m sorry.” 

”Josh!” 

”Tell Simon I’m sorry,” Josh whispered, then hung up the phone. He had his bags and shit packed. He was going to live at Freya’s for a little while. Give Simon some space to get over him. Josh sighed as the rain started to fall. He missed Simon already. 

******************************************************************************* 

Tobi was staring at his phone. “He hung up,” Tobi said, almost like he didn’t want to believe it. 

”He’s not coming back is he?” JJ asked. 

Tobi shook his head. “He’s gone.” 

”How the hell could he do this to Simon? I’m going to kill him!” JJ yelled. 

”It was Simon or Freya, JJ. And Freya’s parents have just died, so Josh doesn’t want to break her heart anymore.” 

”And what about Simon huh? What about his heart? Fuck this man.” JJ stormed off to his room. 

Tobi turned to look at Simon’s door. “I know you can hear me Simon. I know you don’t want to come out.. But… you can’t hide forever. Please Simon,” he whispered, then he too, turned and left. 

************************************************************************* 

”What the hell is going on with Simon?” Harry asked the four of them. 

JJ and Tobi shrugged. They had agreed not to say anything. 

”Maybe he’s sick?” suggested Vik. 

”If that’s the case, then why isn’t he answering us? We try to talk to him through the door and he doesn’t answer us! He hasn’t come out for two days! That’s not healthy!” Harry exclaimed. 

JJ and Tobi exchanged a look. They knew it was time to call Josh again. 

”I’m sure he’ll come out when he’s ready,” Tobi assured Harry. 

”I don’t know,” Harry replied. “Something’s wrong, I’m sure of it. We just need to figure out what it is.” 

Tobi shrugged, then walked out of the room, followed by JJ. Vik stayed in the kitchen with Harry, trying to change the subject. After a couple of attempts, he too, left the kitchen. 

Tobi was calling Josh. “Come on Josh, pick up your fucking phone!” 

”Hello?” Josh asked. 

”Josh?” Tobi asked. 

”Listen, Tobi if you’re going to try to convince me to come back to talk to Simon again..” 

”Yes I am. Josh, he hasn’t left his room since you left.” 

”What?” 

”Josh, something’s happened to Simon. He hasn’t said a word since you left, nor has he come out of his room. You need to come and talk to him. If this keeps up,” Tobi’s voice dropped to a whisper, as if the fear of saying it might make it come true. “If this keeps up, he’s just going to waste away. He’ll died Josh.” 

Josh stiffened. “I’m on my way,” he told Tobi and hung up the phone. “Fuck Simon! Why now?” 

”Josh? Are you going somewhere?” Josh looked over to see Freya looking at him. 

”Yes. I left some of my stuff at the house. I need to go get it. Be back soon k?” 

”Okay,” she replied. Josh kissed her goodbye and headed to his car. It was a good thing Freya was so trusting. 

********************************************************************************* 

”So what the hell happened?” Josh asked Tobi. 

”You left, and Simon shut himself inside his room. No one’s heard from him since you left.” 

Josh nodded and followed Tobi upstairs, only to find JJ guarding Simon’s door. “Hello Jide.” 

JJ just glared at him. 

Josh walked over to the door and knocked on it. “Simon? You in there? Can you hear me?” he called out. 

Simon listened. Josh was outside his door? Josh? He thought Josh had left him. He felt a small flower of hope begin to bloom inside of him. Was there still a chance for him and Josh? Simon struggled to his feet, noticing how weak he had become. He realized he smelled and looked terrible. What would Josh think? Simon took a deep breath and opened the door. 

”Simon!” Josh exclaimed. “You look terrible. Are you okay?” he asked. 

”Of course he’s not okay Josh! You broke his fucking heart!” JJ exclaimed. “Why the hell would he be okay?” 

”Simon, I’m so, so sorry.” Josh stared at Simon, praying he would forgive him. At long last Simon nodded. 

”I missed you Josh,” he whispered moving forward towards Josh. 

”Simon, I’m staying with Freya.” Simon took a step back like he’d been shot. “I just came to make sure you were okay. Simon, you need to move on with your life,” Josh reasoned. 

Simon stared at him, then nodded. The fragile flower of hope had been crushed. Now all he wanted was for Josh to go away, for Josh to leave him alone. 

”So you’re going to be okay?” Josh asked. 

Simon nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to be okay,” he told him. Thankfully his voice didn’t break, keeping his lie hidden. 

Josh nodded. “I’m going back to Freya then,” he said as he walked downstairs. 

Simon watched him go, felt the pain in his heart deepen every step Josh took, felt the darkness coming back every second Josh refused to look back. He heard the front door slam as Josh left, heard him start up his car and drive away. It was all Simon could do not to collapse to the floor and give up again, right here, right now. But no, Josh wanted him to be strong, So he would go on, pretend to move on, when in reality, he was nothing more than an empty shell.


	11. The Choice

”It’s been two weeks Tobi,” JJ said, a worried expression covering his face. 

”I know JJ,” Tobi replied. 

”Well then what are we going to do? Simon hasn’t gotten better, if anything, he’s worse. He pretends to be fine, and we all act like we don’t notice he’s not fine, and then he acts like he doesn’t notice us noticing he’s not fine!” JJ exclaimed. 

Tobi sighed. JJ had been stressing about Simon for the past week and a half. “He needs time JJ. And besides, if you’re so worried about him, why don’t you talk to him about it?” 

”I do! I’ve tried! But he tells me he’s fine, that’s it’s all good, and then he goes and changes the subject!” JJ was pacing the room. “I don’t know what to do Tobi. I don’t know how to help him. He’s slipping through my fingers, and I can’t help him. I can’t help this feeling that I’m going to lose him, and that scares me the most of all.” JJ slumped onto the couch with Tobi. 

”JJ, relax, you’re overreacting. Simon was devastated after Josh and he broke up, but he’s getting over it.” JJ was shaking his head before Tobi finished speaking. 

”You’re wrong. You’re looking at his appearance, how he seems. You need to look at HIM, not his appearance. Look at his eyes when he talks. There’s nothing there, no spirit, no hope, no joy. It’s like he’s died and all that’s left is a shell. Josh broke him Tobi. Josh broke him and now we’re going to lose Simon forever.” JJ slumped on the couch and put his face in his hands. “What do we do Tobi? He’s begging us for help, but all we do is smile and pretend we don’t notice his pain. We don’t want to accept what’s happened to him. 

Tobi looked at JJ’s slumped figure, and felt the smallest amount of doubt creep into his brain. What if they were wrong? What if Simon wasn’t getting better, and instead, was getting worse? What if by pretending everything was fine, they were only hurting Simon more? Tobi couldn’t think. All he knew was he needed to get out of this house. He needed fresh air. 

”Where are you going?” JJ asked Tobi, seeing him stand up. 

”Out,” Tobi replied, grabbing his keys. It was time Josh and him had a talk. ******************************************************************************************** 

”I miss them Josh.” Josh looked down to see Freya. They had just come back from her parents’ funeral. 

”I know you do. But you’ll move on. You’re strong Freya.” 

Freya smiled and kissed him. “Thank you Josh. Thank you for being by my side.” 

”Always Freya, always.” Josh looked up to hear knocking on the door. “I’ll be right back okay?” Freya nodded. 

”Hey Josh.” 

”Hey Tobi. I didn’t expect to see you.” Josh stepped outside and shut the door behind him. It was a nice day out that day. 

”Well, I mean we have been friends for eleven years,” Tobi pointed out, to which Josh nodded. They chatted for a bit then Josh broke in. 

”I’m guessing you didn’t come all the way out here to chat formalities,” he stated, but phrasing it like a question. 

Tobi shook his head. “No I didn’t. I came to talk about Simon.” Josh was instantly on guard. 

”What about Simon?” he asked cautiously. 

”He’s depressed Josh. He hardly eats, he doesn’t sleep, all he does is mope and pretends he’s fine, pretend he’s normal. He pretends because you asked him to.” 

”I didn’t ask him to pretend to be fine!” Josh exclaimed. 

”No, you asked him if he was okay. You wanted to make sure he was fine before you went back to Freya!” Tobi yelled back. 

”Freya needs me Tobi. I can’t leave her,” Josh whispered, looking at his feet. 

”But Simon needs you too Josh. He’s dying, his spirit’s broken, he’s got nothing left to live for. He smiles only when he thinks someone’s watching, only laughs when he’s around others, but when he thinks he’s alone…” Tobi trailed off. “He won’t listen to any of us. He’s falling to pieces.” 

Josh looked up at Tobi. “I… I can’t Tobi. I need to help Freya.” Josh looked away. “But.. I.. I loved Simon,” he confessed. 

”I don’t want to be a dick Josh, but you need to choose; Simon or Freya. I won’t pretend to know Freya’s situation, but I know Simon’s. And he’s fading away. Already he’s just skin and bones. In a week..” Tobi trailed off. 

”I just don’t know Tobi. Freya’s my girlfriend, we’ve been together for four years, and to dump her now, just after her parents died.... It wouldn’t be right.” Josh looked back at his feet. “But I don’t want to lose Simon, I love him. It broke my heart leaving him the first time. If I go back to him… I don’t think I’ll ever want to leave. And I’d break Freya’s already broken heart. No, I wouldn’t break it, I’d shatter it. And I can’t do that to her. And yet, it’s not right to Simon for him to suffer because of things he can’t control.” 

”It’s your choice Josh, no one can make it for you,” Tobi said quietly. 

Josh nodded. “I’m going for a drive. Can you tell Freya I’ve gone to get groceries?” he asked softly. 

Tobi nodded. “Of course,” he replied. 

”Thanks.” Tobi watched Josh walk to his car, turn the engine on, and drive away. One person’s heart was going to be shattered tonight, and he didn’t know who Josh was going to choose. He hoped Josh makes the right choice, because there was only going to be one shot at this. He went into the house to tell Freya that Josh went shopping for groceries, saw her nod and then headed home himself. He was glad he wasn’t making the decision. It was going to be a very long night for Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. I plan on making the next one longer (Because of Josh's decision and all) but I wanted to get one out tonight.


	12. A Shot At Happiness

Josh drove and drove and drove. He didn't know where he was going, didn't care, the only thought in his mind was to get away. Why was he forced to make this decision? Why was he tasked with breaking someone's heart? Why him? He loved Freya, he did. But it was nothing to the love he felt for Simon. And yet, he and Freya had been together for four wonderful, happy years. Why did he have to screw up everything? Simon's faced flashed in Josh's mind, followed by Freya's. Who was he to choose? Abandon Freya, make her feel alone and unloved, or let Simon believe that it was a mistake between them, that they weren't meant to be? Josh sighed. Why him? 

************************************************************************************* 

"Morning Josh." Josh woke to see Freya walking into their shared bedroom with breakfast. 

"For me?" he replied puzzled. 

"Of course." She grinned at him. "I wanted to thank you Josh." 

"For what?" he asked. 

"For being here, for being my shoulder to cry on, for supporting me." 

"Always, Freya, always," Josh replied, then began to wolf down his breakfast as Freya snuggled next to him. 

"Love you," she murmured. 

"Love you too," he replied. Josh knew that he wasn't going to abandon Freya. Not here, not now. Simon had the other guys, Freya had only him. He wouldn't abandon her, but he was going to talk to Simon. He was going to show Simon that Josh loved him, but he couldn't be with Simon. That Freya needed him more right now. 

***************************************************** 

"No." 

"Good to see you too JJ. Is Simon home?" Josh asked him. 

"No." 

"Tell him I stopped by okay?" 

"No." 

"K thanks JJ. See you soon." 

"No." 

Josh sighed, turned and walked away. He had a feeling Simon was home, but JJ was protecting him. He pulled out his phone and texted Freya. 

Josh: I hope you have some nice clothes for tonight 

Freya<3: Why?? 

Josh: Because we're going out to eat tonight 

Freya<3: I always have nice clothes ;) 

Josh: Heading home now 

Freya<3: See you soon! 

Josh grinned and drove away, not realizing that Simon was watching. 

"Thanks Jide." 

"No problem bro. You need time and space, and I'm going to make sure you get that." Simon grinned JJ. He was lucky to have a great friend like him. 

****************************************************************** 

Josh was waiting in the living room of Freya's house, waiting for her to come down. He had filmed and editied throughout the day, and was now waiting for Freya to be ready so that they could go on their date. 

"You ready Freya?" he called up. 

"Yep," she called back down, appearing on the stairs. Josh stifled a gasp. She looked absolutely radiant. Freya had let her long, blonde hair down and wore a midnight blue dress that clung to her every curve. 

"You.. you looked beautiful," Josh managed to get out. Freya grinned. 

"You don't look so bad yourself," she replied. 

"Shall we?" Josh asked holding his arm out to Freya, to which she graciously accepted. 

"We shall," she replied. 

******************************************** 

Freya was laughing. Josh watched her, smiling about the fact that he had made her laugh. But his mind didn't want to stay on this date with Freya, as he replace Freya with Simon and felt his smile disappear. 

"Josh? Are you okay?" Freya asked, reaching out and holding his hand. 

"No, I'm not. Freya, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while, but I've been to afraid, too scared about your reaction," Josh told her. 

"I'm here for you Josh. You're here for me, and I'm here for you. It's what people do for people they love." 

Josh nodded. "Well.. I... I'm bi Freya. I'm bisexual," Josh confessed. 

Freya smiled, and let out a short laugh. Josh looked at her puzzled. "Is that all?" she asked. "Oh, don't look so shocked Josh. I've always know you like guys." 

"What? How?" Josh stared at her in confusion. 

Freya shrugged. "I just pay attention to you. My worst fear was that you were gay." 

"Why?" Josh asked. 

"Oh shit! That came out wrong. I was most worried that you were gay was because we were dating, and I'm a girl, not a guy. And I loved you, so I was worried that we would break up," Freya explained. 

Josh nodded. "How long have you know?" he asked softly. 

"Two years? Yeah, around two years," she replied. 

"Half of our relationship." 

"Yep." 

"And you never asked me about it?" 

"No. I didn't know if you knew, or if you were trying to hide from the truth." 

Josh nodded. "Thanks Freya. Thank you for being so accepting." 

"Of course Josh. I love you, just you, and I don't care what your preferences are, or even what you identify yourself as. I'll always love you." 

Josh smiled at her. "Well there's a bunch of worry and anxiety off my shoulders." 

Freya laughed. "Come on, let's head home." Josh nodded his agreement and paid the check. Then they took off and drove home. 

"Love you Josh," Freya murmured before kissing him. 

Josh murmured his agreement before kissing Freya back, pushing her against the wall. But when her arms wrapped around him, he didn't feel right. He wanted someone else's arms wrapped around him, he wanted someone else's mouth on his. He opened his eyes and stopped kissing Freya. 

"Josh? What wrong?" she asked him. 

"I can't do this Freya." 

Freya froze. "There's someone else, isn't there?" she asked softly. 

"I'm so sorry Freya." 

Freya shook her head. "Don't apologize Josh. You deserve to be happy. And if someone else brings you happiness, you should be with them." 

Josh looked up to meet Freya's eyes. "You mean it?" he asked. 

Freya nodded. "Every word." 

Josh smiled. "Thank you Freya. And, you deserve to be happy too." 

Freya nodded. "I will Josh, I will." 

Josh grinned and hugged her. 

"Now go find that person who makes you happy," she told him, and Josh took off to his car, while Freya watched him, a small smile on her lips. 

********************************************************************** 

Simon stood at Freya's parents' graves. Here was the cause of all the trouble. Here was the reason why Josh couldn't be with him. Simon sighed and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling tears leak out. Josh deserves to be happy, he told himself. And if helping Freya and making her happy makes Josh happy, then I will be happy. I will be happy. I will be happy. 

"Simon?" Simon turned towards the voice that had disturbed his thoughts. 

"Freya! What are you doing here?" he asked her. 

"Um.. they are my parents' graves Simon," she reminded him. 

"Oh yeah, right." 

Freya laughed. "I just came to see them. What are you doing here Simon?" 

"Thinking," came the reply. 

"Go home," she advised him. 

"Why? There's nothing for me there," he argued. 

"You don't know that," she replied. Simon turned to see a small smile playing around her lips. 

Simon shrugged. "I guess I'll take your advice then." Freya grinned. 

"Good luck Simon," she called to his retreating back. 

Simon turned around. "Good luck to you too Freya." 

Freya smiled and waved as Simon drove off, leaving her besides her parents' graves and the willow tree that sheltered them. 

****************************************** 

"Guys, I'm back," Simon called out. 

"Hey Simon," Josh answered. Simon turned to see Josh staring at him. 

"Josh? What are you doing here?" he asked him. 

"I'm choosing you Simon." 

"What?" 

"I'm choosing you." Josh took a step forward. "I'm choosing to be your boyfriend, I'm choosing to love you, I'm choosing to wake up every morning in your arms. That is, if you'll have me?" 

"Of course Josh," Simon replied. Josh grinned and wrapped his arms around Simon, feeling their lips meet, feeling the sparks, the happiness, the joy. 

"Your room?" Josh whispered as their eyes met. 

Simon grinned. "Where else?" he asked, as Josh followed him up the stairs to Simon's room. 

Josh quickly stripped down, Simon following suit, making sure the door was shut. 

"I love you Simon," Josh murmured. 

"I love you too Josh," Simon replied. 

******************************************************* 

Vik paused from editing, listening to the moans and groans. He felt a smile creep upon him. Finally. They both deserved their happiness. 

"Is that Simon and Josh?" JJ asked, walking into Vik's room. 

"Yep," Vik replied, turning back to his computer to continue editing. 

JJ scoffed. "I don't trust him." 

"Let it go JJ. Simon loves Josh, and he is happy with him. Don't you want that for Simon?" 

"Yes, but I'm worried. If Josh leaves him.." JJ trailed off. 

"Trust Simon JJ. He's a big boy." With that, Vik put his headphones back on and turned back to the computer screen. JJ took the hint and went to his room. Collapsing on his bed, his thoughts turned to Simon and Josh, hoping that Simon would be okay. He didn't want to see Simon broken again. He sighed and closed his eyes, falling asleep. Whatever happens will happen, the only thing he could do is hope Simon won't be broken again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying this! Simon and Josh are together! Don't worry, this isn't the end of the story.  
> Also, I've read so many fanfics where Freya is the evil one, either too controlling it doesn't accept Josh for who he is, I thought I'd make one where she isn't the villain. Hope you enjoyed!


	13. A Way Out

"Morning," Josh murmured to the man next to him. He was content, waking up next to the man he loved.

Simon groaned. "Morning," he replied, turning around to look at Josh. "We have to get up don't we?"

"Unless you want everyone know what happened..."

"They probably already know. It wasn't like we were quiet or anything," Simon replied, wanting to stay wrapped up in Josh's arms a little longer.

"We also have to record... and film... and eat.."

"I can eat you," Simon replied. Josh threw back his head in laughter.

"Yes, but what would I eat? And don't say you, because I need food." Simon grumbled in return.

"Just a little bit longer," he begged Josh, resting his head on Josh's chest.

"Five minutes," Josh replied.

Simon grinned, but at that moment Josh's phone rang.

"Hello?" Josh asked.

Simon listened, watching Josh's face darken and fill with sadness and heartbreak. "Josh? Are you okay?"

"Yes. What? Yes, I'll be right there," Josh replied.

"Josh? What's going on?" Simon asked, but Josh didn't reply, instead standing up and heading to his room. Simon watched him go, feeling like a lost puppy.

*****************************************************************

"Simon? Are you okay?" JJ asked his friend.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"No, you're not. What the fuck did Josh do this time?" JJ demanded.

"He didn't do anything. All I know is he got a phone call from someone and then drove off without an explanation," Simon explained.

"Probably a booty call from Freya," JJ muttered under his breath.

"And I just have this feeling in my gut that something terrible has happened, but I just don't know what." Simon stared out the window again. "I hope he's okay," Simon whispered, half to himself.

"Josh will be fine Simon. It's you I'm worried about." But Simon was already shaking his head.

"You don't need to worry about me Jide."

"Too late for that Simon."

***************************************************************

Josh was driving, but his head couldn't stop replaying the conversation he'd had on the phone over and over and over.

_"Are you a friend of Freya Nightingale?" a voice asked from the phone._

_"Yes," he had replied._

_"I'm sorry to inform you that Ms. Nightingale committed suicide last night." Josh felt his heart break. Freya, dead? It didn't seem possible._

_"What?" he had replied._

_"Someone found her body hanging from the willow tree beside her parents' graves this morning. You were the only person to pick up," the voice informed him. "The police would like to talk to you. If you could come to the graveyard as soon as possible, that would be greatly appreciated."_

_"Yes, I'll be right there," Josh had replied. He remembered leaving Simon's room, giving Simon no explanation._

"Why did you have to kill yourself Freya?" Josh murmured, his eyes red rimmed.  

*****************************************************************

Josh was walking up to the graveyard when he stopped short. He saw the huge willow tree, the graves, and the rope hanging from the tree. A small blanket of snow covered the landscape, making it seem peaceful, but also surreal. Almost like a painting of something about to happen. There was no body attached to the rope, and that Josh was thankful for. 

"Are you Josh Bradley?" Josh turned to see a police officer looking at him.

"Yes, I am," he managed to say without his voice cracking.

The policeman nodded. "Follow me." He lead Josh to an officer talking to someone on a walkie talkie.

"I'm guessing this is Mr. Bradley," he stated to which the police officer replied yes.

"Now, Mr. Bradley, how long have you know Ms. Nightingale?"

"We've been dating for four years. We broke up last night." Josh looked up at the police officer. "This is all my fault isn't it?"

"No, never think that," the police officer assured him.

"But it is. She needed me, and instead I left her, right after her parents had just died. I left her with no one." The police officer didn't answer. "It's all my fault." Josh put his head into his hands, feeling the guilt of Freya's death weighing heavily upon him.

"I think it would be best if you go home," the police officer advised. "Get some rest and food. Where do you live?"

Josh told him, then headed back to his car. _Freya was gone. Freya was dead. Freya was never coming back. He was never going to see her smile, never going to hear her laugh, never_... Josh's thoughts rambled on, as tears poured down his face as he drove home. This was all his fault. It didn't matter what anyone else said. Why hadn't he seen it? He hadn't even noticed something was wrong. He should have stayed with her, he shouldn't have left her alone. Her death was on him, her blood was on his hands, and there was nothing anyone could do to change that. Freya was dead, because of him.

***************************************************************

"Josh is back," Vik called up. Simon was glad that the others had headed back home yesterday. Vik and JJ knew about them, so he and Josh didn't have to keep their relationship a secret. 

"Josh? What's wrong?" Simon asked as soon as Josh walked in, tear trails down his face.

"Freya," he manged to get out. "She.. she... she's dead. She committed suicide last night."

"Oh my god Josh," Simon whispered, before wrapping Josh up in a hug. "I'm so sorry."

"It's all my fault," Josh told them.

"No don't ever say that," Simon told him

"Yeah Josh, you couldn't have known this was going to happen," Vik consoled him.

"Freya made her own decision Josh," JJ told him. Josh simply nodded, knowing that they were wrong, but fine with letting them think he believed them.

"Josh, I'm so so sorry Josh," Simon told him, hugging Josh even tighter, then kissing his forehead. 

Josh was content to have this small bubble of peace, this small bubble of happiness, before the darkness came, before the guilt of knowing Freya was dead because of him, came rushing in upon him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the depressing chapter! But it has to get worse before it gets better!


	14. Seeing Two

Josh woke the next morning to see a gray sky, and heard the pitter patter of rain. It fit his mood perfectly. Josh looked around his room, his gaze landing on the mad next to him. But he didn’t see Simon, he saw Freya, saw her peaceful face, felt the memories of years of waking up next to her. If he closed his eyes, it almost felt as if she were next to him, that he was at her place, that she was alive, that this whole thing was a dream. Josh sighed and sat up. He needed to get away, somewhere new, someplace different. Anywhere but here, where the memories of the past hung in a thick fog. 

********************************************************

Simon woke to find Josh gone, as if he had never been there. Josh’s side of the bed was made, his clothes were gone, and the bed was cold. Simon felt a bad feeling settle into the pit of his stomach. Josh wouldn’t do something stupid, would he?

10:56 Simon:  _ Where are you Josh? _

10:57 Simon:  _ Josh? _

10:58 Simon:  _ Please answer Josh, I’m scared. _

11:00 Simon:  _ You’re not going to answer me are you? _

Simon put his phone down in despair. Josh was usually so good at answering. What could have happened to him? Why would Josh ignore him? Maybe he just needed some space to deal with Freya’s death? Simon stood up, and got dressed, not realising he left his phone on the bed, as he headed downstairs to got to Tobi’s. He didn’t want to stay in this house.

12:01 Josh:  _ I’m sorry. I just need to get away. _

*********************************************************

Josh sighed. He was driving aimlessly, again. He was searching for answers, searching for a way to be able to love Simon and not be reminded of what he’d lost because he loved Simon. How could he look at Simon and not see Freya? How could he look at one lover and not see the other’s face? How could he have not seen what Freya had been planning to do? Somehow, his subconscious mind knew where he needed to go, and before long he was pulling up at the graveyard. Josh looked around. The rope was still there. Obviously, no one had wanted to touch it. Josh walked slowly up the hill to the willow tree, the rope, and the two graves, which was soon to be three. He knew Freya’s extended family was still around, and they were going to be planning her burial. He also knew that many of them wanted him to be absent from her burial. He knew they blamed him, truth be told, he blamed himself too. It was his goddamn fault. He chose Simon and Freya chose death. He should have stayed loyal. But… his mind couldn’t help but wonder that if he had chosen Freya, would Simon have chosen death? Or would they both be alive?

“Did you hear what happened?” Josh turned to look at the voice that had distracted him from his thoughts. It was an elderly man, obviously homeless from his smell and the look of his clothes. “Girl hanged herself, right there, next to her parents’ graves. Some say it was because her heart was broken. Got erself dumped.” The man cackled. Josh glared at him. He wanted this man gone, he wanted space to mourned Freya. He didn’t want an interloper. But it was obvious this man wasn’t going to leave, so Josh turned and left, not even acknowledging the man.

Josh sat in his car. The guilt was suffocating him, drowning him. If he didn’t do something, it would destroy him. 

_ Buzz, buzz _ . Josh turned to see his phone ringing. Sighing he picked it up. “Hello?

“Josh!” Simon said relieved. “I’ve been so worried. You’ve been gone for hours.”

“Sorry,” Josh replied. “I had to get my head on straight.”

“Are you okay now?” Josh could hear the concern in Simon’s voice.

“Yeah. Heading how now, so I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay. See you soon Josh.” Josh went to hang up the phone, but paused. “Promise me you’ll be safe Josh,” he heard Simon ask him. Josh hung up the phone, and began driving towards home.

*************************************************************************

“Josh?” Josh felt Simon’s arms wrap around him. “Are you okay?” he asked, the concern for Josh evident on his face.

“I’m fine Simon.” Josh smiled at his boyfriend and kissed him. But it wasn’t Simon he was kissing it was Freya. And when he stopped kissing Simon, Simon’s eyes weren’t Simon’s. Freya’s chocolate eyes stared back at him, filled with loss, confusion, and betrayal. 

“I’m so sorry,” Josh murmured, staring at Simon.

“Josh? Josh are you okay?” Simon was shaking him.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine,” Josh lied, looking away from Simon.

“No, you’re not fine. You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Simon exclaimed.

Josh turned his head back to look at Simon, seeing Simon, until he turned into Freya. Josh gasped and took a step away.

“Josh!” And once again, Simon was Simon.

“I’m so sorry Simon,” Josh began.

“Josh, are you okay?” Simon asked him.

“Simon, we need to break up,”  Josh told him.

“What? No, Josh, you just lost Freya, your head’s messed up right now.”

“You’re right it is,” Josh agreed with him. “Simon, everytime I look at you, I see her. Everytime I kissed you, I feel her lips. Everytime we touch, it’s not you and me, it’s me and her.”

“Josh,” Simon began.

“And I’m not blaming you Simon, but I can’t be around you right now. It’s too painful. Everytime I look at you, I’m reminded that she’s dead because I chose you, she’s dead because I betrayed her. And everytime I see you, I only see her. And shit, Simon, it’s tearing me apart, it’s breaking me.” Josh looked at Simon silently begging him to understand.

“Okay, okay. You need your space.” With that, Simon left the house. He got into his car and drove and drove and drove, until the tears pouring down his face made it impossible for him to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Apparently over weekends I'm just lazy and don't update!


	15. The Letter

“What the fuck did you do?” Josh looked up from editing to see JJ storming into his room.

“What do you mean?” he asked him.

“What. The Fuck. Did. You. Do,” JJ repeated slowly, like he was talking to a child.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about JJ.” Josh was actually confused. He didn’t know why JJ was so pissed at him.

“Don’t play dumb Josh! What the hell did you do to Simon?” JJ demanded. 

With that, the confusion was gone. “We.. we’re over.” Josh knew Dimon had left the house a couple hours ago. He had been editing when he had heard Simon come back. Apparently, Simon had left again.

“No shit,” JJ replied sarcastically. “Simon isn’t answering his phone, he isn’t replying to any of my texts, even the other guys have tried getting through to Simon but nothing worked. He won’t pick up his damn phone!”

“He just needs time JJ.”

“Time? Josh, the last time you broke his heart, he didn’t leave his room for TWO WHOLE FUCKING DAYS! Now he’s off to God knows where, hell, he’s DRIVING, and we have NO FUCKING CLUE WHERE THE HELL HE IS!” JJ was screaming again.

“JJ mate, everything alright?” Vik poked his head into the room.

“JJ is overreacting again,” Josh told him. Truth to be told, he felt a little worried from Simon, but he wasn’t about to let JJ know that.

“Overreacting? OVERREACTING? WE HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHERE SIMON IS, WHAT HE’S DOING, HOW HE’S HOLDING UP, OR IF HE’S EVEN STILL ALIVE!”

“Of course he’s alive JJ,” Josh reassured him.

But JJ was already shaking his head. “You didn’t see him last time. And when you left, it was like someone had died. Simon went through all the actions of a living person, but he wasn’t there. It was just his body going through the motions. He hardly ate, hardly slept, just edited and recorded. Course, he didn’t use facecam anymore, for obvious reasons. We just tiptoed around the house, too scared to upset him, to make him worse than he already was.”

“He didn’t do anything?” Josh asked.

“Like cut? No. But…” JJ trailed off.

“But he was getting there,” Vik finished. “If you hadn’t come back… If would have been Simon hanging from that tree instead of Freya.”

Josh looked up to see both Vik and JJ looking at him. “I can’t be with Simon.”

“Why not? You love him, don’t you?” Vik asked.

“Yes, but it’s not that simple,” Josh began.

“Really? It’s not? Because it seems pretty damn simple to me!” JJ glared at Josh.

“No. It’s not. Everytime… everytime I look at Simon, I see her. Everytime I kiss him, I’m not kissing Simon, I’m kissing her. Everytime…” Josh trails off, his agony and sadness written all over his face. JJ, for once, doesn’t say anything. Instead, it’s Vik who breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry Josh.” Josh looks up to see his friend’s eyes filled with sympathy.

“Why is it Simon who has to suffer Josh?” JJ asks him. “Why is it Simon who feels like he’s not good enough, like he fucks everything up, when in reality it’s you.”

“JJ!” Vik scolds.

“What? Josh feels guilty, I get that. But Simon doesn’t know why Josh keeps shoving him away,”

“Yes, he does know why. I told him,” Josh broke in.

“Well, he didn’t believe you,” JJ scoffed.

“How would you know that?” Josh asked.

“Well, that’s the whole reason I came up here. He left an envelope on the counter. For you.” Jj took the envelope of out his pocket and tossed it to Josh. “I hope Freya was worth it,” he muttered and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Josh looked at the envelope in his lap. “Vik, do you think Simon would do something stupid?” he asked the shorter male.

Vik sighed. “I don’t know Josh, I just don’t know.” The he too, left the room, closing the door softly behind him. Josh’s gaze turned to the letter. He wanted to open it, but he also didn’t. He didn’t know what was waiting for him, whether it was good or bad. 

“What the hell,” Josh muttered to himself, and ripped the envelope open. A letter fell into his lap. Josh sighed, opened it up, and began to read.

 

_ Josh, _

_ I know you love Freya. I know how much it breaks you to see her dead, how much it hurts you. And I understand you need space, I understand you need time. I know t hurts you to be around me, because you see what could’ve been, that it could’ve been Freya kissing you, hugging you, loving you. I’m sorry. _

_ I also see what you were trying to tell me before; how it hurts you to be around me, how it pains you. It’s my fault she’s dead. I understand now. If it wasn’t for me, you never would have left her in the first place. If it wasn’t for me, you could have been the loving, caring boyfriend she needed. Instead, instead I stole you away from her, I left Freya all alone, with nobody to love. I know you probably won’t want to ever see me again, and I understand. I wouldn’t want to see the person who’d caused the death of someone I loved. I wish I could have seen what you were trying to tell me before, so that I didn’t keep causing you pain. _

 

Josh paused from reading, tears welling up in his eyes. Simon thought it was his fault Freya was dead. Simon thought Josh blamed him for Freya. “Oh Simon, why didn’t you ask me? I could have told you none of it was your fault,” Josh murmured mournfully, before turning his attention back to the letter he clutched so dearly.

 

_ I’m sorry I’m such a shit person, that I’ve been so selfish, so needy, so concerned about myself, that I didn’t notice Freya needed you more. All I cared about was my own happiness. I wish there was a way to turn back time, to make it so I didn’t cause Freya’s death, so we never kissed, never touched, so I never fell in love with you. But I can’t. So I’m taking myself out of the picture. Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill myself. _

 

But Josh heard that unwritten “yet.” The word Simon had not wanted to write, not wanting to make this letter a suicide note. Not wanting to concern the other boys, not wanting to make them feel obliged to come after him. But it didn’t matter. They were going to find him. Josh was going to find Simon. SImon needed to know it wasn’t his fault. Josh looked down at the letter and continued reading.

 

_ And someone else can have my room. Maybe you could have Tobi move in? Or Ethan , or Harry. I’m not coming back, so you don’t need to worry about me anymore. I think I’ll go vacation somewhere. Maybe France or Spain? Or perhaps I should go to Iceland or Canada? Hmm. I’ll have to think on that.  _

_ I’m not coming back Josh. I’m not going to burden you, I’m going to let you have your space. But, if you ever miss me, I left my phone on my bed. A gift. For you. I love you Josh. I always have, hell, I always will. But you don’t need me. You need your space. I love you enough to give that to you. So I’m leaving. For good. Please don’t try to find me. You won’t. And I’m not coming back to this house ever again. So just let me live my life in peace, and live yours in peace.  _

_ I love you Josh, _

_ Simon _

  
Josh felt a tightening in the back of his throat, feeling like he was about to cry. Simon was gone, and he wasn’t ever coming back. Simon was gone. Gone. And they had no way to contact him. Simon would just disappear, leave this life behind, believing that he was doing it for the good of the man he loved. Doing it for Josh. “No fucking way Simon. I’m going to find you. And when I do, I’m never letting go of you,” Josh promised him, staring at the letter Simon left behind. “I’m going to find you Simon. And then I’m never, ever, going to let you slip away. It doesn’t matter how long I have to search. I will find you Simon Minter.”


	16. Hot As Hell

He was flying. Josh looked out his window, watching the ground fall away, as he was lifted into the air. He was leaving, and he was going to find Simon. Simon had taken a flight to America. His flight had landed in New York. Perhaps he meant to stay in that city, to blend in, to start over in a new country, with a new life. But Josh wasn’t going to let that happened. He sighed, remembering the conversation he’d had with JJ and Vik, and how hard it had been to convince them to let him go find Simon.

 

_ “You’re fucking me right?” JJ demanded. _

_ “No. I’m going after Simon.” _

_ “You’re the last person he wants to see right now!” JJ exclaimed. _

_ “Josh might be the only person who Simon’ll listen to,” Vik pointed out. _

_ “Yeah? And JOSH is the reason SIMON left in the FIRST FUCKING PLACE!” JJ was screaming again. “He wants his space, so give him his space. And if anyone’s going after him, it’ll be me.” _

_ Josh made eye contact with Vik. “You really think  _ **_you’ll_ ** _ convince him that _ **_I_ ** _ want him back? I’m the only person who Simon would believe. If anyone else showed up, Simon would think that they were lying just to get him to come back. I’m the only one who can save him,” Josh explained. _

_ “JJ, Josh needs to do this,” Vik told him. _

_ “So you’re taking his side now? Do you remember what he did to Simon last time?” JJ demanded. _

_ “Josh’s absence did that, not him. His return made Simon happy, more happy than I’ve seen him in a long time,” Vik informed JJ. _

_ JJ scoffed. “He’s not going after Simon. Simon wants his space, hell, he needs his space after everything Josh has done. I’d be a shit friend if I didn’t let Simon have his space. He’ll come back when he’s ready.” _

_ Josh shook his head. “He’s never coming back. The letter… he’s not coming back. He thinks I blame him for Freya’s death.” _

_ “Do you?” Vik asked him. _

_ Josh shook his head. “No, I don’t.” _

_ JJ laughed. “Yeah right.” _

_ Josh turned to him. “I don’t.” _

_ “Now you’re just lying to yourself. There’s a small part of you that does blame Simon for Freya’s death. I mean, let’s face it; if Simon hadn’t pulled you away from Freya, you probably would have married her. And then no one would be dead. But if you had that fling with Simon, then  _ **_stayed_ ** _ with Freya, Simon would be dead. So he thinks you blame him, because after all, he was the one who you cheated with on Freya.” _ _  
_ _ “He said as much in the letter,” Josh agreed, looking at his feet. “Maybe a small part of me might blame him, but it isn’t his fault. Freya made her own decisions. Simon can’t change that.” _

_ “And right now, Simon has made his own decision. He wants to leave.” JJ glared at Josh. “You can’t have it both ways Josh. So which is it? Everyone made their own decisions, and the blame is on no one, or there is someone to blame; Simon for Freya’s death, and Freya for Simon’s disappearance.” _

_ “No of this is their fault. It’s all mine. I’m the one who chose to cheat, to leave Freya, who left Simon, who…” Josh trailed off. “Now it’s my responsibility to get Simon back.” _

_ “Hell no.” JJ glared at Josh. _

_ “Josh? Can you give us a moment please?” Vik asked him. Josh nodded and walked out of the room, and sat down on the stairs. He could the whispers of Vik trying to persuade JJ. Josh sighed. _

_ “Josh? You can come back in now,” Vik called out. Josh returned to the kitchen to see a smug Vik, and a very unhappy JJ. _

_ “He’s headed to America. New York,” JJ spat out, still glaring at the floor. _

_ Josh was tempted to ask how he knew, but saw the subtle shaking of Vik’s head. Better not to ask the. “Thanks JJ. And thanks Vik,” he told them before leaving the kitchen to pack and book a flight. _

 

Josh woke to someone shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see the flight attendant staring him. Upon seeing him awaken she smiled.

“We’re in New York sir,” she informed him.

“Oh. Thanks,” Josh smiled at her as she turned and left him to grab his bags and exit the plane. Where would Simon go from here? Josh had Simon’s phone and his own. Pulling out his phone, he dialed Vik’s number.

“Hey Josh.”

“Hey Vik. Has JJ heard anything from Simon?”

“Nope. But if you ask me, he might be in that hotel near the airport; ”

“Right. I’ll check there first.” Josh went to hang up the phone, the paused. “Vik, do you think Simon would sign in under a different name?”

“No. It would be too much of a risk. What if he tried to sign under a different name and someone recognized him? The people would ask questions.”

“Good point.”

“Tell me if you find him okay?”

“I will Vik. I promise.”

“Good luck.”

“You too.”

“Why are you wishing me luck?”

“You have to put up with JJ.”

“He’s not that bad.” Josh could just imagine Vik rolling his eyes.

“Mhmm. Sure. Bye Vik.”

“Bye Josh.”

Josh disconnected the call and grabbed his bag. All he had was a backpack. He wasn’t going to be held down by carrying a big suitcase. He had to travel light to keep up with Simon, and Simon only had a backpack.

After too much security, Josh managed to exit the airport. Security in America was so long and tiring. He had called a taxi already, so when he exited the airport, he looked around for his taxi, finally finding it.

“Hello,” he said to the driver.

“Are you Mr. Bradley?” he asked.

“Yep.”

“Do you want me to put your bag in the trunk, or do you want to carry it?”

“I’ll carry it,” Josh replied, the slid into the taxi.

“Where do you want to go?” the driver asked from the driver’s seat.

“The Landing hotel please,” Josh told him.

“On it.” At that moment, Josh’s phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Josh?” It was Vik. “I know where he’s staying. Hampton Inn. I managed to check his credit card records, and he checked in there two hours ago.”

“On it. Thanks Vik.”

“No problem. Now go get Simon back.” With that Vik hung up.

“There’s been a change of plans,” Josh informed the taxi driver. “I’m going to Hampton Inn.”

“Of course. What made the change?”

“My friend booked the tickets, and apparently, he didn’t remember which hotel he booked. Honestly, I don’t know why we had him book the hotel. He’s always so disorganized,” Josh lied, hoping the taxi driver wouldn’t notice.

“I have a friend like that. She’d lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her shoulders.” The taxi driver smiled and laughed, and Josh laughed along with him. They spent the rest of the driver chatting.

“Here you go sir. Hampton Inn.”

“Thank you so much.” Josh passed him the money, throwing in an extra twenty, the got out of the car, watching as the taxi peeled away. He turned to look at the hotel, praying that Simon had checked in under his own name.

“Can I help you?” the receptionist asked him.

“Yes. I’m looking for a Simon Minter,” he informed her. She scanned the names and shook her head.

“There’s no Simon Minter listed here,” she told him. “If that’s all?”

“No! He checked in here around two hours ago.” Josh was internally panicking. How was he suppose to find Simon?   
“We can’t give out that information sir,” she informed him.

“Blond hair, tall, only had a backpack for luggage,” Josh said, but she made no move to help him. “Please. I need to find him,” he begged her.

She looked at him, then sighed. “Room 214, floor 3.”

“Thank you!” Josh told her before turning away and heading to the elevator. Pressing the 3 button, Josh waited as the elevator seemed to take forever to reach floor three. Finally, finally, finally, the doors opened and Josh burst out of them, hurrying down the hall, looking at the room numbers. “202, 204, 206, 208, 210, 212, 214.” Josh stood in front of Simon’s door. He lifted his hand and knocked twice, his hand trembling.

“Yes?”

Josh stared as Simon opened the door, his hair a mess, like he had just gotten out of bed. Josh saw the surprise and shock in Simon’s eyes. “Simon,” Josh murmured, happy to have finally found.

Josh saw Simon stiffen, and realized what Simon was about to do. He stuck his foot in between the door and its frame.

“Dammit Josh!”

“Simon, please listen to me,” Josh begged him.

“No. Move your goddamn foot!”

“No.”

Simon huffed. “Why can’t you give me my space?” he growled at Josh.

“Because you don’t need space right now.”

“How the hell would you know what I need and don’t need?” Simon demanded.

“Because I know you Simon.” Josh pulled his foot out, allowing Simon to shut the door. “I’m going to let you decide if you want to see me or not. Just know I’m out here waiting.”

There was a long silence, and Josh waited, leaning against the wall. Finally, the door open, and Simon looked at him. “You can come in,” he muttered, and grudgingly let Josh in.

“Simon, I don’t blame you for Freya’s death.”

Simon scoffed. “Really? Do you see Freya now? Or do you see Simon?”   
Josh sighed. “Simon, I was blaming myself for Freya’s death. And everytime I got closer to you, I was reminded that because I chose you, she was dead. I wasn’t blaming you.”

“You can’t blame yourself. I was the one who you cheated on Freya with,” Simon pointed out. “So it’s technically still my fault.”

“No, it’s not. I made the decision to cheat on her, I made the decision to not break up with her, to be with both of you. And I made the decision to break up with her, you didn’t have anything to do it. I could have chosen not to become involved with you, but I didn’t.” Josh stared at Simon, taking in every single one of his features. He didn’t know how long he’d be here, but he wanted to make sure he never forgot how perfect Simon was.

Simon sighed and sat down on his bed. “Josh..” he trailed off.

Josh sat down next Simon and took Simon’s hand in his own. “I love you Simon. You, and only you.”

Simon turned to looked at Josh. “But you can’t be with me.”

“Yes, I can. Freya made her own decisions, and now I’m making mine. I’m choosing you Simon. You. And if you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine, I’ll let you leave. But if you’re going to continue to run, to ignore me, the guys, everyone who cares about you, know I’m going to follow you; that I’m going to chase you down.”

Simon closed his eyes and ran his free hand through his hair. “Josh..” He sighed, the opened his eyes.

“Simon…” Josh mocked. Simon glared at him, to which Josh smiled. “Love you Simon.”

Simon stared at Josh, as if he couldn’t comprehend that this was happened. “What the hell,” he muttered to himself. “Love you too Josh,” he told him.

Josh smiled and brought his lips to Simon’s, feeling the happiness, the love, those sparks fly between them again, his entire being filled with joy. “You’re never leaving me again,” he murmured to Simon.

“No, Josh. Never.” Simon agreed with him, moaning softly as Josh kissed his neck.

Josh allow himself a small smirk. “You know, we’re alone, in a hotel room. With all the time in the world..” Josh trailed off, feeling Simon shiver at the feeling of Josh’s breath on his skin.

“Why the hell not?” Simon replied, the bit back a groan as Josh began to kiss his neck. Simon tried to pull Josh’s shirt off, until Josh was forced to help him, and then quickly removed Simon’s shirt. Josh began to trail kisses down Simon's chest, loving the little moans Simon was giving him.

"Josh," Simon moaned.

"Yes Simon?" Josh asked, pressing a kiss right below Simon's navel. "You wanted something?" Simon's only reply was a moan.

"Shh Simon. We don't want to get a noise complaint," Josh told Simon, trying to keep a serious face but failing. Josh slipped his and Simon's pants off, kissing the bulge in Simon's boxers. Simon gasped and his hips bucked upwards, making Josh smirk. Simon looked at Josh, to see Josh's eyes watching him, a playful sparkle in them.

"Fuck that Simon. Let's see how many noise complaints we can get," he told the younger man, leaning down to hungrily kiss him. Simon was only too happy to oblige.

Simon moaned again as Josh kissed his sweet spot. It was going to be a long, long afternoon. And it was going to be as hot as hell.


	17. Breakfast In Bed

"Glad to see you guys are back," Vik welcomed Simon and Josh back home.

"Good to see you too Vik." Simon said back, pulling the shorter man into a hug. Vik and Josh smiled at each other, Josh silently thanking Vik for all his help.

"Hey Simon." JJ greeted his friend warmly. "Josh," he said, cold and curt.

"JJ," Vik warned before Simon could. Simon looked at Vik. When did he start scolding JJ? JJ at least had the decency to look slightly ashamed.

"I'm going to go unpack," Josh told them all as he began walking upstairs. It had been a long and tiring flight, and all he wanted was to sleep.

"Me too," he heard Simon tell the other two, heard the footsteps follow him to his room.

"This is my room Simon," Josh told him, flopping down on his bed.

"Huh?" Simon asked, falling onto the bed beside Josh, instantly snuggling up to him.

"Simon," Josh groaned. "I want to sleep."

"And how am I stopping you from sleeping?" Simon tilted his head up so that he was looking at Josh, eye to eye.

"By being here," was Josh's curt reply. Simon threw back his head and laughed. 

"I disagree with that! Aren't you comfy?" he asked Josh.

"No," came the mumbled reply. "You're squishing my arm, and it's going numb."

"Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy," Simon teased, poking Josh in the ribs every time he said "grumpy."

"You're a pain, you know that right?"

"What are you talking about? I'm perfectly lovable!" Simon protested.

Josh groaned again. "You're a total pain. You pack up and leave, forcing me to go after you, and when I finally arrive at the airport I have to go from hotel to hotel searching for you. When I FINALLY find you, I don't even get any sleep." Simon smirked slighty at that moment, his face blushing. Josh sighed and ruffled his hair. "And then we have to catch a flight, because you want to come back here as soon as possible. So I'm running on caffeine alone, and I'd really like to get some hours of sleep under my belt before I have to record and edit and upload."

"I'll be quiet," Simon told him, snuggling up to Josh.

Josh groaned, but rolled over so he was facing Simon, allowing Simon to climb into his arms. "Fine," he grumped. Simon smiled, knowing he'd won.

"Don't be such a grump," he scolded Josh, before kissing Josh's forehead. Josh's only reply was a soft snore. Simon allowed himself a small smile, then snuggled into his boyfriend's arms, happy to be home and to be with the man he loved.

*************************************************************************

"What do you think they're doing?"

Vik sighed and rolled his eyes, turning his chair around to look at JJ. "Why are you in my room again?" he complained.

JJ shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do," he pointed out.

"I can see that," Vik replied sarcastically, before turning to his computer screen to continue to edit.

JJ sat down on Vik's bed, and began to bounce up and down, up and down, the slight pinging noises distracted Vik from editing.

"JJ! I need to edit and upload this video! So if you could shut up and be quiet, better yet LEAVE that would be great." Vik glared at him. JJ shrugged and lay down in Vik's bed. Vik threw his hands in the air in exasperation and walk over to the bed, attempting to shove JJ off of it. "Come on, out," he grunted as he tried to move JJ.

JJ just kept laughing. "It's not going to work Vik." Eventually, Vik too, realized it was futile, so he went back to editing, only to hear the screeching of the springs.

"I'm going to fucking MURDER you JJ," Vik growled as he jumped out of his chair and body slammed JJ off of his bed (JJ would say only because Vik surprised him). Of course, with Vik being Vik, and the fact that he was unbalanced, Vik fell with JJ when he shoved JJ to the ground. JJ, upon realizing this, managed to pin Vik to the ground with himself on top.

"How's that editing going Vik?" JJ asked, watching the smaller man trying to squirm out from underneath him.

"JJ! GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!" Vik yelled at him.

"Shush Vik. We don't want to disturb the other two," JJ chided Vik.

"JJ, I swear to god if you don't get off me," Vik warned.

"You'll do what? You're the one trapped, not me." JJ was enjoying this immensely. Vik glared at him.

"Are you going to get off me?" he asked.

"Nope," JJ replied. "I've got nothing better to do."

Vik glared at him. "How can I get you to leave me alone?"

"I won't."

"JJ," Vik whined. "Come on. Help a brother out here."

JJ smirked. "Give me your phone."

Vik immediately looked wary. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I get to post one thing on Twitter," JJ informed him.

Vik groaned, but seeing no other option, he agreed. "My phone is on my desk," he told JJ. JJ grinned and grabbed it, quickly typing. Vik didn't know why, it wasn't like he would be able to take it back or anything.

"Here's your phone." JJ handed his phone back to him.

"Thanks." Vik glared at him. JJ laughed at Vik's emotionless gratitude. "What'd you type?" Vik asked as he opened Twitter. JJ just waited. "Oh for fucks sake JJ! Really?"

JJ burst out laughing, he couldn't contain himself. "Good right?"

"No, not good. You typed, and I quote _"God, just had anal for the first time. I had no idea what I was missing. I'm so glad it was JJ for my first time.""_ Vikk glared at JJ. "You can't type that shit on people's phones JJ!" JJ was too busy cracking up to reply. "I fucking hate you," Vik informed him. "It's already got a hundred re-tweets! JJ!" Vik whined. JJ was rolling on the floor by now, unable to contain himself. "Oh yeah great. You think you're so fucking funny." Vik glared at him. "At least some people don't believe it," he muttered to himself, almost trying to make the situation less fucked up than it already was. Vik looked at the man rolling around his floor, tears in his eyes, clutching his stomach from laughing too hard. "I fucking hate you," he told JJ as he stormed out, slamming his own door behind him. 

JJ looked up when he saw the door slam shut. Shit. Vik was seriously pissed. He should probably go apologize. But then again, Vik probably just needed time to cool down. JJ glanced over at Vik's computer. Why not? He might as well edit Vik's video.

********************************************************************************************************

Simon woke to the two arms wrapped around him. He opened his eyes to see Josh looking at him. "How long have you been staring at me?" he asked.

Josh glanced over at his phone to see the time. "Only thirty minutes."

Simon raised his eyebrows. "Only thirty? Isn't that stalker material?"

"I'm allowed to stare at my boyfriend for as long as I fucking want." Josh grinned at him. Simon saw the playfulness in Josh's eyes.

"Really? I just woke up!" he complained. Josh grinned.

"Well that's too bad," he whispered as he began to kiss Simon's neck.

"I'm sleeping in my own bed next time," he warned Josh.

"Good." 

"I hate you," Simon told him, holding in his moans. He wasn't giving in. He was hungry and wanted breakfast. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled. Josh paused from kissing Simon to look at him.

"You're hungry?" he asked.

"I'm not eating you." Simon already knew how that line went.

Josh burst into laughter before standing up. Simon took in the curve of his body, taking a small amount of pleasure in the fact that Josh only wore boxers to bed. "I'll be right back. Don't leave this bed," Josh ordered Simon. Simon watched him leave, admiring Josh as he walked out of his room. Simon sighed and laid back in the bed. What was Josh up to? He didn't have to wonder for long, because Josh was back with pancakes. At Simon's puzzled and surprised glance he shrugged. 

"Vik was cooking," he explained.

"Then I'm not eating that!" Simon exclaimed.

Josh laughed. "JJ was helping him. And I made sure that the pancakes were good. They're not bad." Simon took the plate from Josh and began to eat remarking upon the fact that the pancakes weren't too bad, while Josh shut and locked the door, turning around to see Simon finishing off the pancakes.

"Full?" he asked and Simon nodded. "Good." Josh slid underneath the sheets next to Simon. "Because I want to start up where we left off." And this time, Simon was all for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. Anyway, I'm thinking there will only be 20 chapters, but it could end up being between the 20-25 range. Hope you are all enjoying this story!


	18. Confession Time

_4 Months Later..._

 

  
"Josh man, just calm the fuck down."

"I can't Tobi. Simon and I are telling the rest of the guys today. How am I suppose to just calm down? What if they don't like it? What of they don't accept us?" Josh was pacing at Tobi's flat.

"Josh sit down! You're making ME anxious just looking at you. And think of it this way; JJ, Vik and I already know, and we support you. All that's left is Harry, Ethan, both Cals, and Manny," Tobi reassured his friend.

"But then there's the fans," Josh continued to procrastinate.

"So tell the fans when you're ready." Tobi grinned. Josh was working himself up too much. Of course, all this worry was probably worry for Simon, and not for himself.

"But what happens if one of the other guys lets something slip? What happens if the fans find out, and they don't like it?" Josh ran his fingers through his hair.

"Josh. Have you seen how many Minizerk fan fictions there are? The fangirls will freak. The fuck. Out. You have nothing to worry about." Josh sighed in response before collapsing next to Tobi. 

"I just don't know," he mumbled in to his hands.

"Well, I would say you should go get ready. Everyone's going to be at your place in two hours."

"WHAT?" Josh jumped to his feet. "SHIT! I totally forgot the time. I was planning to spend some time with Simon before."

"Actually talking time?" Tobi teased.

Josh scoffed. "Of course," he replied. But Tobi noticed he looked everywhere BUT at Tobi when he said that.

"Mhm, sure. You head home Josh. I'm sure Simon's wondering where you're hiding."

Josh muttered something under his breath that Tobi, unfortunately, didn't catch as he left.

****************************************************

"Josh! There you are!" Josh looked up to be hugged by a very energetic Simon.

"Hey Si," he replied.

"Hey Josh. Are you okay?" Simon pulled back from the hug to stare at him. Josh sighed. Simon was overanalyzing him again.

"I'm fine Simon. Honestly." Josh smiled, for Simon's sake more than his own.

"Mhm. Sure," he replied still staring at Josh.

"What's with you and Tobi today?" he asked.

"What are you talking about Josh?" Now Simon actually looked confused.

"Neither of you seem to believe me," Josh explained while heading upstairs.

"That's because you're a shit liar!" Josh heard Simon call from behind him. Josh grumbled as he headed to the shower.

******************************************

"You nervous?" Simon turned to see JJ.

"A bit. But I'd rather be honest to my friends then to lie to them. Besides, it's not like I'm telling all of you. You, Vik and Tobi already know, so if the others don't take it well, at least I'm not losing all of my friends." Simon manged a small smile. In reality, his heart was in his throat. If they didn't accept him... Simon really didn't want to think about that.

Somehow, JJ sensed his thoughts and swept Simon up in a hug. "You know Vik, me and Tobi love you, and we'll support you."

Simon grinned. "Thanks JJ."

"Besides, I want to see which of our friends is a dick in disguise." JJ smirked.

Simon sighed and rolled his eyes. "So you?"

"What? No!" JJ protested.

"You fuck anything that moves JJ. And stuff that doesn't," Simon pointed out.

"Fine then." JJ grinned and grabbed Simon.

"JJ! Let go of me!" Simon yelled.

"Take it back then," JJ growled.

"Fine, fine, fine." Simon glared at JJ. "You don't fuck _everything_ that moves," Simon agreed, putting extra stress on everything. JJ grinned and let Simon go.

"See? Not so hard."

"What's not so hard?" Vik asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"JJ's dick," Simon muttered as JJ said "Taking back a mean comment." JJ turned to glare at Simon.

Vik grinned. "What was the mean comment? You fucking everything you see? Because that's true JJ."

JJ threw up his hands in mock surrender. "I give up. You two..." he grumbled and turned away.

"When is everyone coming?" Vik asked.

"They should be here in five minutes or so," Simon replied. "I'm nervous."

"I'd be surprised if you weren't." Simon smiled his thanks at Vik. There was a pleasant pause in the conversation, each just enoying the other's company.

"Simon... how did you and Josh become a.. thing?" Simon looked at Vik.

"Why? Do you like someone? A guy?" Simon asked watching Vik turn scarlet.

"No, maybe, dammit Simon, that's not what I asked!" Vik looked flustered. Simon grinned.

"Well, we were best friends, and during that time I started liking Josh. When I realized I was gay, I didn't want to tell anyone, especially not Josh, as he had recently met Freya, and they were dating. So I kept quiet. Hell, I probably would've stayed quiet if fate hadn't intervened."

"What happened?" Vik asked.

"I was drunk, Josh wasn't, and we were walking home, everyone else was there too, and I kissed Josh. Now, Josh was sober, but me being me, I thought he had been drunk that night too. And Josh let me believe he was drunk. So I thought we both made out and we were both drunk. Josh later told me he wasn't drunk, and we;;, one thing led to another, and now we're here," Simon finished his story looking at Vik. "So.. who's the lucky guy?"

Vik turned scarlet again. "Who said anything about it being a guy?"

Simon laughed. "I can tell. Why else would you ask? You know how to get a girl."

"Do I though? Cause I don't see one hanging around here?" Vik turned to look at the entire kitchen to communicate his point.

Simon snorted. "Fair point." At that moment, there was a loud knock at the door. Simon turned to Vik and grinned. "Looks like they're here."

They both turned to see Josh running down the stairs and opening the door. 

"Hey guys." Simon heard Josh welcome them, and heard a chorus of hellos reply. "Vik, Simon, JJ, the guys are here," Josh yelled to the rest of them.

Simon tried to smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace. "Let's do this."

***********************************************

"I wanted to thank you all for coming," Josh began. He and Simon would agree that Josh could start. "As you all know, I've been through some tough times recently..." The other boys were nodding in agreement. "... And there's been something I've wanted to tell you all, but I've never been able to, whether it be poor timing, unfortunate circumstances, or me just not feeling ready."

"What is it Josh?" Harry asked, seeing that nobody else was going to ask.

"I'm bi. Bisexual. Basically I like boys and girls." Josh knew he had rambled a but at the end, but there was no helping it.

"Really?" Harry asked and Josh nodded. "Well congrats man. I'm glad you told us." The others agreed, grabbing Josh into a hug. Vik, JJ, Simon and Tobi remained seating.

"Guys? What are you doing?" Harry asked.

"We're waiting for him to continue," JJ replied.

"Continue what?" Ethan asked.

"There's more," Simon quietly added. Cal, Lux (This is the other Callux, I'm referring to him as Lux to limit the name confusion), Ethan, Harry and Manny sat back down, and Simon stood up.

"I'm gay," Simon admitted once the noise had quieted down.

"WHAT?" Ethan exclaimed.

"And that's not all." Josh grinned as he wrapped and arm around Simon's waist and kissed him, a small, innocent kiss, just a brush of their lips.

"What the fuck?" Harry exclaimed.

"So Minizerk is real?" asked Cal.

"Yep," Simon replied grinning.

"How long?" asked Manny.

"Four months, give or take a week," Josh answered.

"And you're telling us now?" Harry asked.

"They already told some of us," Tobi pointed out. Harry, Cal, Manny, Ethan and Lux turned to look at the three sitting on the couch.

"Why'd you tell them and not us?" Ethan exclaimed.

"WE didn't tell them. They figured it out on their own." Simon grinned. "Not their fault none of you are observant."

"Wait, let me get this straight; I've been talking all the bullshit about being gay, when in reality YOU'RE the gay one Simon?" Ethan burst out.

Simon smiled sheepishly. "Sorry Ethan. But you're going to have to be seen as the gay one for a little longer."

"You're not telling the fans yet?" Lux asked.

"Nope. We just told you. The fans will have to wait a bit." Josh smiled and shrugged. "Besides, there's really no hurry. It's not like we're going anywhere."

"So you can't tell anyone okay? Everyone who is here are the only people who know," Simon instructed.

"Wait, do your parents now know?" JJ asked, surprised. Josh and Simon both shook their heads.

"I was with Freya, so there wasn't a need."

"And I didn't want to admit it to myself, let alone to my parents." They all nodded.

"Now, who wants to head downstairs? WE'VE GOT A FUCK TON OF ALCOHOL!!! AND I'M READY TO PARTY!!" JJ screamed at the top of his lungs.

Instead of getting annoyed, Simon just laughed. His friends had accepted him and he had Josh by his side. "Let's party!" he agreed, albeit less loudly than JJ. Laughing, the boys headed downstairs, ready for a night of fun.

****************************************************************************************

"I love you Josh," Simon slurred.

Josh smiled and rolled his eyes. "You're drunk Simon," he scolded.

"Yeah. So what? It's our party, we should be enjoying ourselves." Josh just sighed in reply. Truth be told, the music was giving him a headache, he was tired from stressing about the other guys, and he had a shit ton of work to do. Why did JJ have to be such a party animal? 

"Enjoying yourselves?" Josh turned to see Tobi grinning.

"No."

"You lost Simon," Tobi pointed out.

"Crap, I did." Josh looked around the room. Where the hell had Simon gone? He had just been standing next to Josh. Where had he gotten to?

"Calm down Josh, he's fine." Josh continued to look for Simon. "Josh. He's over there on the dance floor."

"Where?" Josh turned to look where Tobi pointed to see Simon dancing and having a great time.

"You're such a dad."

"Someone has to be," Josh shot back, heading over to where Simon was.

****************************************************************************************

Simon was sleeping. He was curled up next to Josh, sleeping, while Josh sat on the couch.

"Have you seen Vik or JJ?" asked Harry, plunking himself down next to Josh.

"No, why?" Josh asked him. Last he remembered, Vik had been chatting with someone, and JJ had been getting himself drunk, but that had been over an hour ago.

"I think something might be going on. Between JJ and Vik," Harry confessed.

"Really?" Josh was surprised.

"So you haven't noticed anything?"

"No, I haven't. You're sure?" Josh asked. Surely Vik would've told him if there was something going on between him and JJ?

"No. Just a suspicion," Harry admitted.

"No proof?"

"No."

"Then I would keep quit about it Harry, because if there is something, and I'm not saying there is, JJ and Vik were Simon and my support, and I don't want to see any rumors flying around about them."

Harry looked shocked. "I wasn't going to tell anyone. The only reason I asked you was because you live with them and I was curious whether or not you had noticed anything!" Josh watched Harry leave. Fuck. He hadn't meant to imply that... oh whatever.

"Josh," Simon murmured in his sleep.

"I'm here Simon. C'mon, let's get you upstairs." Josh managed to pick up Simon and carry him upstairs. He wasn't going to carry Simon all the way up to his room, they were going to Josh's room instead. 

Once Simon was settled and asleep, Josh left the room and began heading downstairs, only to pause. Did Lux invite Sarah to the party? And if so, why were they in Vik's room? It was only then that Harry's earlier comment came back to him. Was Vik and JJ... Josh didn't want to finish that sentence. Maybe it was best just to not know who was in that room. With that decided, Josh went back to his room and snuggled up to Simon.


	19. Boyfriend Goals

Simon groaned and shoved his head under his pillow. Who the fuck was cooking? And they were SO FUCKING LOUD! God, he just wanted them to shut up.

"Hey Simon." Simon felt a hand rub his back. "I got you some water and aspirin." Simon smiled.

"Thank you." He also appreciated the fact that Josh was talking quietly to not disturbed his headache. Josh leaned in and kissed Simon's forehead.

"I'll go stop the banging in the kitchen." Simon felt the bed move, and he knew Josh was getting up again.

"I love you, ya know that," Simon muttered groggily, half asleep.

Josh paused. "I know Simon. I love you too. And get some rest." Simon heard the door silently closing and Josh's footsteps walking away. He smiled sleepily and fell asleep again.

******************************************************************************

Josh had just finished editing Simon's videos when he heard the rustling on the bed. Finally. He started the upload process and turned to look at his boyfriend.

"Morning," Simon murmured.

"Morning. Water and pills next to you," Josh informed with a small smile as Simon reached over to grab them. "Better?" Josh asked once he was done.

"A little." Josh smirked and sat down next to Simon on the bed.

"What time is it Josh?" Simon asked, a slight panic in his voice.

"2."

"In the afternoon?" Simon exclaimed. He was looking panicked now. "Shit! I've got to film and edit and for fucks sake this headache is killing me."

Josh watched calmly from where he sat on the bed. "It should, you passed out drunk last night."

"Not right now Josh." Simon was hurriedly searching his closet. "Have you seen my SDMN T-shirt? The black one with the orange logo?"

"You mean the one I'm wearing?" Simon turned to look at Josh, and sure enough, he was wearing Simon's T-shirt. 

"Why are you wearing my clothes?"

"Because I carried you up here last night, slept here, got you water and aspirin this morning, AND took care of your editing for you." Josh raised an eyebrow. "So yes, I felt that it was fine for me to wear your shirt."

Simon looked slightly ashamed. "Sorry Josh. So... you edited my videos?"

"And uploaded them."

"And you couldn't have told me earlier?" Simon complained. "Because then I could've stayed in bed! C'mon Josh."

"You needed to get up." Josh smiled and got off the bed. 

"What? No!" At that moment, Simon's stomach growled.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you needed to get up. You're starving." Josh smiled.

"I won't argue with you there." Simon grinned and grabbed Josh, pulling him in for a kiss.

"Not that kind of hungry Simon."

"What are you talking about? I'm thinking something that's white.. and delicious..mmm." Simon licked his lips to emphasize his point.

"Simon. Not now," Josh growled. He really didn't need the thoughts Simon was putting in his head.

"It's so good, you have to suck up every last drop. Hell, lick it all off it you have to!" Simon exclaimed, a grin on his face.

"Simon." Josh knew he was getting hard. Luckily, he was in sweatpants, which hid some stuff, but if Simon kept this up... "You are going downstairs to have breakfast."

"Of course." Simon smiled. "On the counter?"

Josh mentally groaned at the imaged that popped inside his head. He opened his eyes to see Simon with a devilish twinkle in his eyes. "Why are you doing this Simon?" he grumbled as Josh began walking downstairs.

"What do you mean?" Simon asked, feigning being puzzled.

"Why do you need to do this right now? Can't it wait a bit?

"Breakfast? But I thought you said I should have breakfast now?" Simon continued his facade.

"Yes. Actually food." Josh glared at Simon. "Not  _me_."

"What are you talking about Josh? I just want breakfast? Unless you're suggesting something..." Simon raised an eyebrow.

"What? No! You were just suggesting something!" Josh exclaimed.

Simon laughed as he entered the kitchen. Reaching into the refrigerator, he smiled. "Josh, I was talking about milk." Simon grinned and flourished the milk that he had gotten from the fridge. "Now, I would like to eat my cereal in peace without anymore of those dirty thoughts swirling around in your brain."

Josh just gaped at Simon. "I can't believe. Honest to goodness. You are un-fucking-believable."

"Who's un-fucking-believable?" Vik asked walking in.

"Simon," Josh grumbled.

Simon snorted. "He's annoyed because he has a dirty mind this morning. Here I am, going about about how I love milk, and he's here thinking I'm talking about something else entirely! Can you believe him?"

"You never mentioned  **milk** ," Josh pointed out through clenched teeth.

"I thought it was obvious." Simon shrugged innocently.

"You both are un-fucking-believable," Vik said. They both turned to glared at him. "...And I see I've made two enemies."

At that moment JJ poked his head in. "Vik, your clothes are still in my ro..." JJ suddenly cut of when he realized Vik wasn't alone.

"Wait. Vik, why are your clothes in JJ's room?" Simon asked. Josh grinned, glad to not be the target of Simon's evil intentions for once.

"He was doing my laundry." Vik smiled. "A real bro he is. Thanks JJ."

"No problem man," JJ replied, albeit sounding a tad nervous.

"Vik... JJ doesn't do the laundry. We do his. And why did you ask Jj to do yours? You normally do both of yours." Simon grinned, knowing he had caught them in a lie.

"I.. uh.. didn't have time." Vik shrugged. "Now, I'm going to get back to recording." Vik hurridly scampered away from Simon's all-knowing-stare.

JJ stood there, not quite sure what to do. "So.. uh.. I'll be leaving."

"Take care of him JJ." JJ turned to look at Josh.

"Don't we all?" he asked, still trying to sell the lie.

"We mean it JJ," Simon added.

JJ looked slightly nervous but nodded. "I will." H eturned to leave but paused. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

"Of course not JJ. Vik's always been there for us, so we'll always be there for him," Josh assured JJ.

"What about me?"

"And you too JJ." Simon and JJ exchanged grins.

"We'll then, bye." JJ turned around, for the second time, and finally left.

"How didn't we see it?" Josh asked Simon once JJ was out of earshot.

"I don't know. But it fits, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. KStar. I wish them luck."

"I do too Josh, I do too." Simon and Josh exchanged glances before Simon went back to eating his cereal, and Josh grabbed something to eat as well. They ate their meal in silence, but it was a pleasant silence, not awkward at all, and neither of them minded, each having their own thoughts to mull over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't posted in so long! I was on vacation, and it was just going, going, going. I hope you're liking this story so far! I'm planning to write a second one after this, but instead of focusing on Josh and Simon, this one focuses on JJ and Vik! (My second favorite SDMN ship!) Basically, same story, excpet from their point of view from this chapter, and then continues after this one ends.  
> So yeah. But I'm really sorry for not posting in sooooooo long!


	20. The Last Date

“C’mon Simon!” Josh called upstairs. Simon sighed, taking one last look at his reflection in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more in an attempt to straighten it out.

“C’mon,” Simon mumbled. “Stupid hair,” he grumbled and just left it, as messy as it was.

“Simon!” Josh yelled again. Simon paused, one foot outside his door. He debated hanging around upstairs a little longer, just to annoy Josh. Hmm, better not, Simon decided. He didn’t know where Josh was taking them, and Simon didn’t want to make them late if Josh had put in reservations for them somewhere. Simon didn’t know where they were going, and he was albeit a tiny bit nervous. He knew to dress casual, Josh and told him to, so Simon was wearing a white T-shirt (with the sleeves rolled up on the ends to make it look nicer) and some black skinny jeans. For his shoes, he was wearing converse.

“SIMON!” Simon winced in guilt. He felt a bit bad. Josh had been waiting for at least ten minutes now. Granted, he was the “girl” in this relationship, so…

“Coming!” he yelled back, grabbing his jacket before running down the stairs. Simon grinned, like an idiot he had to admit, when Josh came into view.

“You look great,” Josh complimented Simon, pulling him in for a quick kiss.

Simon smiled. “Thanks. But we both know that you look the best,” Simon admitted, unabashedly checking Josh out. Josh was wearing black jeans, like Simon, and a white polo.

“We’re matching,” Josh said, smiling at Simon.

Simon blushed at the look in Josh’s eyes. “And yet, you look like a model.”

Josh burst into laughter. “Yeah right. Come on Mr. Flattery, let’s go.”

Simon shrugged. “Sure. Where are we going?” he asked Josh, following him out the door.

“I’m not telling you Simon,” was Jos’s curt reply.

“Oh come on Josh!” Simon whined.

Josh smirked, even though Simon couldn’t see it. “No Simon. It’s a surprise.”

“I hate surprises,” Simon grumbled.

Josh laughed and held open Simon’s door.

“You sure you can’t tell me?” Simon queried.

“No.”

“Fine,” Simon grumbled, knowing the fact that he was teasing was obvious. He climbed into the car, and Josh shut the door behind him, before going to the driver’s side and hopping in.

“You know,” Simon commented once they had left the house. “You never told me why I couldn’t drive.”

Josh rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he tried not to laugh. Simon took one look at Josh’s face and cracked up laughing. Josh held his laughter for a moment laughter, before he too, collapsed into a fit of laughter.

When Simon could finally breathe, he looked over at Josh, only to find Josh staring at him. “I know I’m beautiful and all Josh, but you might want to watch the road.”

Josh smirked and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Take away my joy in life why don’t you?”

Simon sighed and smiled at the man next to him, watching cars flash by. “Where are we going Josh?” Simon asked again.

“Not telling,” Josh replied, causing Simon to sigh. He hated surprises.

“I hate surprises,” Simon grumbled.

“Fine. Nandos,” was Josh’s reply.

“What?” Simon exclaimed as they pulled into Nandos’ parking lot. “This was the big surprise?”

Josh burst into laughter at Simon’s face. “Where did you think we were going?”

“I don’t know.” Simon shrugged. “But I wasn’t thinking Nandos.”

“But you don’t mind Nandos, right?” Josh asked.

“Of course not!” Simon grinned at Josh and grabbed his hand as they walked into Nandos.

*********************************************************************************

Two Peri-Peri chicken breasts, two large packet of fries, one large diet coke and one large Doctor Pepper later, Simon and Josh exited Nandos.

Simon smiled and leaned his head up against Josh. “That was fun,” he admitted to Josh.

“I thought you like Nandos?” Josh asked teasingly.

“Yeah, but it was you who was planning the date. I thought that it’d be more romantic,” Simon admitted, ducking his head slightly in embarrassment.

Josh cracked up. “Aww Simon. You never fail to make me die of laughter.”

Simon blushed. “Just get in the car,” he grumbled to Josh, a smile on his face.

Josh watched Simon climb in, before climbing in himself.

“I had fun Josh,” Simon said after they pulled away from Nandos. “Thank you for taking me out for dinner.”

Josh just smiled. “Of course Simon.”

****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Josh, you do realize you’re going the wrong way, right?” Simon asked Josh.

“I am?” Josh replied in confusion, struggling to hide his smile.

 "Yeah! You just passed the turn!" Simon pointed out, his hands flailing everywhere.

“Whoops,” Josh replied.

Simon looked closely at Josh. “You missed it on purpose!” he exclaimed, realization dawning upon his face.

 Josh shrugged. “Maybe,” was his simple reply.

“Josh,” Simon groaned, drawing out Josh’s name.

“Simon,” Josh replied, using the same tone.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Simon asked. “It’s just one surprise on top of another!”

Josh chuckled and smile. “Nandos wasn’t that bad!” he pointed out.

“No,” Simon replied. “Wait a moment. Is this the romantic part of the date?” he asked.

Josh shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.”

“Josh! Give me some sort of hint!” Simon begged. But he received no reply from Josh. “Josh?” he asked, watching Josh for some sign. All Simon got was a slight movement on the edges of Josh’s mouth, like he was trying not to smile. “You’re not going to talk to me for the rest of the car ride are you?” Simon asked, but he received no sign from Josh. Simon sighed, a long, drawn-out, tired sigh. “Fine,” Simon said, before reaching over and turning up the music.

********************************************************************************************************************************************

“Josh please answer me,” Simon begged. “Where are we?” Josh had pulled them over into a little trail off of the road. There was a small, slightly beaten down path that led into the dark woods.

“Nowhere,” was Josh’s reply.

“Are you going to kill me?” Simon teased, still nervous. It was dark, no one was around and there was a creepy forest in front of him.

“Of course not,” Josh murmured in Simon’s ear, wrapping his arms around Simon. Unfortunately for Josh, the special moment was ruined by Simon jumping a mile into the air.

“Damn it Josh! You scared me!” Simon exclaimed turning around to glare at Josh. But Josh was already laughing. “Why does it feel like you’ve sent this entire date laughing at me?” Simon grumbled.

Josh stopped laughing. “Sorry Si. You’ve just been so silly this date.” Josh kissed Simon gently on the lips. “C’mon on. Don’t want to be late now, do we?”

“I knew,” Simon muttered. “You’re taking me to be sacrificed.” Of course, that comment set Josh off again with his peals of laughter. Simon puzzled over that. Josh only laughed a bunch when he was nervous. So what was he nervous about? Granted, Josh was leading them into the creepy forest, so Josh could be nervous about that. Simon knew that he k=was nervous about going into that creepy-ass forest.

“You going to stand there and just stare at it?” Josh asked. Simon jerked his head over to look at Josh.

“No, I’m coming.” Simon carefully picked his way across the rocks until he was next to Josh. To Simon’s surprise, he felt Josh grabbed his hand.

“You’ll be fine Simon, I promise,” Josh told him, before going deeper into the forest.

“Mhhmm. Sure,” Simon muttered under his breath, but continued to follow Josh.

They had been walking for fifteen minutes, but Simon swore time was moving at a snail’s pace. He and Josh had been talking all the while, which had calmed some of Simon’s nerves, but not all.

“Simon,” Josh murmured to him. “Look up ahead.” Simon jerked his head up. Sure enough, there was a break in the woods.

“Freedom!” Simon exclaimed, (Not realizing he said that out loud) and took off towards the clearing. Josh followed laughing.

“Like it?” Josh asked an awestruck Simon.

“It’s… it’s…. beautiful!” Simon exclaimed. In front of him lay a grass clearing, on the top of a hill. Surrounding the clearing were the creepy-ass trees, but somehow, they seemed less creepy. The ground sloped down towards London, so they could see the city. And the clearing itself, well, there were so many different flowers! Some, Simon was sure, that didn’t even grow naturally, that needed constant pampering. The grass had been recently cut, because it wasn’t every which was, and it was decently short. Josh had come up here just to set this up for him?

“Did you do all of this, for me?” Simon asked whirling around to face Josh.

Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “I know it’s the clichéd clearing and all with the flowers and the starry sky-“

Simon cut him off by wrapping his arms around Josh, and bring his lips to Josh’s. “I love it,” he told Josh when they paused.

Josh smiled. “Romantic dates, remember?” Josh teased, reflecting back upon Simon’s earlier comment.

Simon laughed and pulled Josh into the center area of the clearing. “Shall we watch the stars?” he asked Josh, in a posh French accent.

“Of course monsieur.” Josh replied. “But before, there is one thing I need to attend to.”

“Which is what Josh?” Simon asked, turning to look at Josh.

Josh smiled, and got down on one knee, watching Simon’s eyes widen. He smiled to himself as he pulled the little black box out of his jacket and held it up. “Will you marry me?” he asked Simon, opening the top of the box.

“YES!” Simon exclaimed, grabbing Josh and wrapping him up in a hug, as tears streamed down his face. “Yes.”

Josh laughed and leaned in to kiss Simon, before putting the ring on Simon’s finger. “Want to watch the stars now?” he asked.

“As long as I’m watching them with my fiancée,” Simon replied, entwining his and Josh’s fingers as they laid down together.

“I love you Simon,” Josh said, looking at the man next to him.

Simon turned his head to look at Josh. “I love you too Josh.” Simon paused. “Stay with me?”

“Always Simon, always,” came Josh’s instant reply, his voice filled with love.

They spent the rest of the night like that, watching the stars and cherishing each other, knowing that they had found their soulmate, and their happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Finally finished it. To be honest though, I really hate writing endings. Toughest part of a story. Also, sorry it took so long to get up. I kept rewriting this. :/
> 
> I might do a spin off with JJ and Vik, but that would be after I finished Rivalry (Check it out! Yes, I know, shameless plug).  
> Let me know what you thought in the comments below, and I hope you all enjoyed!


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